Nu Clinic: Motherpucker


I suffer terribly from a Cat Bum Mouth. A big gob I may have metaphorically but literally, it’s pretty small. I have to avoid brown lipstick, mainly because it’s vile, but also because if i were to coat my petite mouth with it, I would be guilty of M.L.A (Mouth Like Anus) .

Cat bum mouth-itis

I struggle to contour without looking like a Durex colour chart for various shades of brown & beige paint (blending is a bitch) so any abstract fancy make up trickery for the lips is out of the question – fair play to Kylie Jenner but I just don’t have that kind of patience or time.

When I first looked into Lip Fillers at Nu Cosmetics on Rodney St I was a bit wary; between the TOWIE lot and Tulisa, there aren’t that many good advocates for plumping your lips at the moment. However, the folks at NU Cosmetics informed me that if the results weren’t perfect for me then the injections can be dissolved and, whilst looking at my empty Lip Voltage, I thought “Sod it, what’s the worst that happen?” *and booked in.

From the minute I arrived at their clinic on Rodney St (the one with the big car park, the ballers) I felt at ease and relaxed. My doctor, Deborah took the time to listen to all my irrational fears attached to getting my lips done (I may have told her about the time my lips inflamed as a kid when I got bleach in a cut and had to go to A&E) and listened patiently as I stressed exactly what kind of look I wanted; natural – no trout pout!

She anesthetised my mouth and I drooled and got all slurry; giving her an insight of what it’s like to be around me after a few too many drinks. The anaesthetic can sting a little bit but to be honest, that’s the closet to pain you’ll experience throughout the whole procedure.  The actual injections of the lip filler cannot be felt at all and your face is numbed so much that you resemble a hamster for a few minutes.

Immediately after the injections I panicked as my lips felt so big they’d make Leslie Ash’s pout look subtle but when the mirror was presented to me all I saw was a natural plump to my top lip – the sensation I felt was due to my face being numb from the anaesthetic. If I wasn’t to tell anyone I’d had them done, you wouldn’t have been able to put your finger on what has made my appearance different – that’s not a bad thing; the best kind of surgery is where you can’t notice it. Let’s face it – whoever is keeping Jennifer Lopez looking like she’d still get ID’ed at Tesco is doing a much better job than those responsible for freezing Courtney Cox’s fod.

The initial swelling period lasts for a couple of hours so you feel a bit tender and numb; like after the trip to the dentist. You’re warned that bruising might appear up to 48 hours afterwards but I was lucky enough not to look like I’d been given a fat lip.

All in all, I’m very happy with the results. While I’ll never been able to have Angelina Jolie’s smackers, my mouth certainly resembles a cat’s anus a lot less.


Full pout – mwah!

  • Obvious when it comes to these kinds of cosmetic procedures, surgical or non-surgical, there are actually some worst case scenarios so don’t just listen to me – do your research etc before booking in anywhere!

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