I know this may come as a massive shock to the male population but women do actually grow hair (naturally) under their arms. Go ‘ed and take a seat if you need to, it gets worse. For years, society has been keeping women’s armpit hair a secret. I mean it’s shameful to have it. You obviously aren’t a real woman if you allow actual hair to grow under there and you should be disgusted in yourself for such a natural thing to happen.
Isn’t it weird that men can have hair all over their bodies? Hairy legs? Not a problem. Hairy hands? Absolutely fine. Even hairy friggin toes and no one bats an eyelid! But if you’re a woman and you walk out with 2 day stubble under your armpits you’d think you’d just performed a kitten sacrifice in front of crying Sunday school children.
Have all the hair you want on your head. The more the better. Do a Yoncé and get a painful weave or time consuming extensions. But allow any other follicle on your body to produce a hair and you’ve basically failed as a woman, you disgusting little Yeti.
However, it’s the 21st century and times are a changing. Armpit hair is having a bit of a moment. French women have been doing it for centuries. We all laughed and scoffed when seeing a divine olive skinned, striped top wearing, effortlessly cool looking French female with hair peaking out from her perfectly toned arms but why?! The French are known for their impeccable style, so why has it taken us so long to follow suit with not shaving?!
Everyone from Drew Barrymore, Britney and even Queen Bey has been spotted out and about with garishly untamed pitt hair, so why is it still such a taboo subject? We follow celebrities on almost everything else so why not this?
Another famous face to don ‘sasquatch chic’ is Miley Cyrus. Say what you want about her but she has become an advocate for not shaving and it’s amazing. She’s taking a stand and making it OK to be natural. Women are busy. Between having a career, cooking the scran, cleaning the house and the small matter of you know… repopulating the whole damn earth. Sometimes we just don’t have the time to head into the bathroom and steal the nearest Mac3 pro razor (sorry lads but yours just do a better job) and take off every little hair on our bodies for it to just grow back within 17 minutes. Maybe we tanned the day before and we don’t want to shave off all of our good work? Or maybe we just don’t want to conform to societies unattainable image of what it is to be a woman.
No one can beat the feeling of an all over freshly waxed/shaved physique and feeling like you could work on the lunch time show at Seaworld because you’re smoother than a newborn dolphin but it’s OK to give yourself a day off. I mean, why is it OK for guys to walk round with friggin gorilla knuckles but hairy armpits on a woman is a sin against mankind?
They don’t notice when your haircut has gone from Blake Lively to Demi Moore in Ghost. Or when you’ve been on a diet of lukewarm water and skinned grapes to drop 14 dress sizes but Jesus Christ, neglect the razor for 24 hours and it’s like the apocalypse has started.
When Miley came out as a non shaver, more women than men were shaming her. We are literally our own worst enemies and it is so sad. We should be embracing the fact that she’s doing whatever the hell she wants (you swing on that wrecking ball girl!). Complimenting another woman on her beauty/choice/decision doesn’t take away from yours. If anything it adds to it. It’s OK to admire someone else’s beauty without having to question your own.
I mean, who remembers Queen of Sass Julia Roberts at the 1999 Notting Hill premiere. Armpit hair galore! The amount of media coverage she got, you’d have thought she’d committed mass murder.
The worst thing about this is that we buy into this crap. The beauty industry is a billion pound industry. And where do they place their adverts? In the crappy women’s magazines that we buy. The anti hair message is then further fuelled by features such as “Horrifying Celeb Pics” with celeb mums on the school run with “embarrassing armpit hair” and “shocking stubble”.
Ladies – it’s garbage being spewed at us and we’re paying to read it. Maybe if we all took a leaf out of Miley’s book (minus the illegal herbs and obscenely dry humping Robin Thicke’s leg like a shih tzu who desperately needs to be neutered) and didn’t adhere to every beauty rule made up by these crappy mags, then it would be more normal and therefore accepted by society. We can’tcomplain that only women have unattainable standards set by society when we ourselves are the ones setting them.
This isn’t a rant or rave or a campaign to get everyone to put down the razor and head to some sort of feminist protest whilst burning our bras. It’s about ending this women bashing that’s all too common. If you see a woman with armpit hair don’t laugh or shriek or take a picture and upload it to your twitter with the hastag #gross. Maybe change your perspective and think… what a fabulous and liberating decision she’s made there. On the flip side if you see a woman who’s actually achieved the goddess dolphin like legs that we see on the venus advert, big her up, don’t knock her down.
Armpit hair is becoming so fashionable that some have even opted to dye theirs. Tumbler is filled with pictures of women matching their brightly coloured hair to their underarms. I predict Karl Lagerfeld is currently screaming at his assistant to get pastel ombre armpit hair onto the catwalks for his Chanel Autumn/Winter collection.
Lets be honest, once the winter months hit, we all give ourselves a day, week or even month off the razor and we shouldn’t feel ashamed to admit that. If you shave then great! If you don’t then fabulous! It’s not about what’s disgusting and what’s not. It’s about people not getting judged for something as minuscule as a friggin follicle.
I mean there are wars going on. Children starving. People who don’t have homes. And we are bothered about the hair that grows on our bodies?
It’s time to rejoice and realise that armpit hair isn’t the work of the devil but an insanely natural aspect of the female form.
Hair or no hair, just always remember to stay fabulous.