Posted On: 13/06/2015
By: Lisa Barber
I’ve been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. You name the diet, the exercise, the pill, and I have pretty much tried it. Some worked and I lost weight and then I went out to celebrate the weight loss to find that after having a month long celebratory binge of Prosecco, curry, and pizza the weight went back on… now how did that happen? Other diets left me tired, cranky, stinky and/or homicidal. Yes, I am your stereotypical crash and fad dieter.
I made a big decision that enough is enough. I was tired of being told, “Oh don’t you have a pretty face?” – soz about the body. So on New Year’s Day I started my weight loss journey. At 5’4″, 15 stone and a size 16-18 (Hold on, that cute size 14 dress that I have fits me….that makes me a size 14, doesn’t it?), I am unhappy in my skin.
4 months in, I am slowly making progress. I had to change up my eating and get rid of my gym phobia. I am now on a “weight loss journey” (Please insert cheesy e-card with some deep journey related quote here) I have enlisted the help of a great personal trainer who has given me clear food rules and a routine so it’s not as daunting.
For those of you just starting out on a weight loss journey, you are not alone. Here’s what I’ve learnt so far just to give you a head start…
- The first step is being honest with yourself and admitting that you need to lose weight. Like any issue in your life, you need to admit that there is a problem and that you want to change it. I mean when your muffin top looks more like the top shelf at a Greggs, you know that you need to stop blaming that time of the month and the washing machine for shrinking your clothes and realise that there is an issue. Acknowledging this is the first step.
- Don’t push yourself too hard with extreme exercise in the beginning. When I was 18, I used to run 5k every morning without fail. Keep in mind I was 18 years old and about 8 stone. Running 5k when you are 15 stone can cause issues, as I found out. There I was at the gym on the treadmill – I’d checked in on Facebook with a cool hashtag (#5kadayskinnybitchbyMay) and I ran a 5k 2 days in a row. I should have rested the day after but I didn’t and now I’m sporting a knee brace. I don’t want to end up as one of those fatties that always wear a knee brace. Because of said knee brace, I can’t wear my 5 inch stilettos. It’s not worth it, people!!! Find out what limits your body has and slowly push yourself beyond them.
- The majority of healthy food tastes disgusting. It’s a fact. I know that when I was a little girl, I hated eating vegetables, I still do. Nothing flexes my gag reflex more than having to eat kale, spinach (anything green) or that doesn’t resemble pizza, tacos or pasta. I tried making courgetti with one of those spiralizer things on the back of a promise that it tasted the same as pasta and had the same consistency. Guess what….it didn’t!!!!! While the boyfriend was happily eating a plate of pasta I sat there pretending to enjoy this pathetic excuse for a pasta substitute. Bad times.
- You need to learn how to cook. I can barely boil an egg, so this weight loss journey for me has been a massive rude awakening. I’ve had to learn to cook things from scratch. Like chilli, stir-fries and curries. It’s opened my eyes and I’ve found healthy alternatives for most dishes that aren’t too hateful. I’m still looking for a “healthy version” of macaroni and cheese with extra cheese and loads of cheese on top but this is proving to be quite a fruitless search. I have also learned that the only reason why the smoke detector is in the kitchen is to tell me when my food is done cooking. I must be doing something right though. The boyfriend eats the food I cook and he’s still alive. Result!
- If Carbs are wrong, then I don’t want to be right! You hear about it all the time. Carbs are the enemy. No carbs before Marbs, etc. Being half Italian, the hardest thing that I have to endure is not eating pasta or bread. And living with a boyfriend that loves to eat toast, spaghetti, fishfinger butties (having a boyfriend is like having a child) and any other bread-based food makes the battle twice as difficult. It takes every cell in my body to not go to the toaster and make 4 rounds of warm, buttery toast. It’s pure torture. I should be a martyr for avoiding pasta. When I tell my Italian Mama she thinks that I am insane and cannot believe that her figlia doesn’t eat pasta anymore! In some ways I have brought shame on the Italian side of the family.
- As a woman, don’t be afraid of lifting weights. Many women are scared that if they lift weights, they will look like a man, facial hair and all. This won’t happen unless you start taking steroids. Plus the only way that you are going to get a booty that rivals Kimmie K’s is to do squats and dead lifts. I have noticed a massive difference since I’ve started training. My butt is looking fabulous (the boyfriend is pleased) and it is becoming increasingly difficult to not do a Beyoncé inspired booty shake in the mirror at the gym.
- There is always a gym fittie and in my case, you will always make yourself look like a total tit in front of him. There he is….the perfect specimen of a man. A true Adonis. With his sculpted shoulders, his winning smile, broad back, a washboard stomach. It truly takes a lot of restraint to stop myself from jumping him and licking him which would undoubtedly end up in a restraining order and a prison sentence. I have this habit of making a total arse of myself in front of him. From walking into walls, farting, and saying the stupidest things, I have humiliated myself in front of him enough to last a life time. In his eyes, I have “Crank” written all over my face. But saying that, when he is in the gym, I tend to work harder….good motivation?
- There is always the skinny bitch at the gym that you instantly hate for being a skinny bitch. There is one of these at the gym I go to. With her blond hair, perfect tits, round butt, she works out with a full face of makeup and perfectly coordinated workout gear. If she struggles, the men in the gym drop everything and go to help her; while I am sitting there purple faced, struggling to change the weights on the squat rack…Can someone help? Someone? The skinny bitch will undoubtedly moan about being fat in front of people who are fat. The amount of times I have had to bite my lip!
- Don’t expect to look like a slimmed down Charlotte Crosby or Holly Hagan after a week of dieting and exercise. You’ve worked out every day, you’re eating healthy food and drinking loads of water and you still have a wobbly tummy and thunder thighs and you’re not even close to being bikini ready. Guess what, sunshine? It took you ages to get this big and it’s going to take time to lose the weight. It’s not going to happen overnight. This is the point where I usually fall off the wagon by having a KFC with a side of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream binge. I have started combating this recently and my hard work and healthy diet are starting to give me the results I want.
- It’s so important to have a good support network around you. The most important thing is to have people around to support and encourage you. I have a good friend that I communicate with on a daily basis. So if I’m having a massive carb craving I text her and she tells me to step away from the bread. I am also lucky because my personal trainer is always on the end of the phone too. She is so encouraging and I know that she is approachable and actually cares.
This has been, so far, a very cathartic and crazy experience but in a strange way enjoyable. I’ve also found that this is a definitely a “lifestyle change” so I’m soldiering on! I’ve bought a few motivation outfits, one being a crop top coordinate set that I am desperate to get into before the summer’s end. And you know what? Now that I know these truths, I think I will succeed.
Follow Lisa on Twitter
If you’re interested in finding out more about personal training visit Elite Fitness Consultants based throughout Liverpool and The Wirral
If you would like to advertise with Scouse Bird Problems and get your business seen by up to half a million people, get in touch using the contact form.
Hey birds and boys, just leave me your contact details and you won’t miss a single article I post XOXO