We all know that Liverpool has legendary nightlife. People come from all over the country just for one night out here, who who can blame them. There’s nothing better than a night out in Liverpool.
Some of us have been going out to town week in, week out for years. So if you’ve been on Liverpool nights out since you were sixt… I mean, erm… eighteen, of course… You might forget that some pretty weird things can happen.
Things you only know if you’ve been on a night out in Liverpool
1. Popworld is where you end the night. They give you free toast on your way out! Then you can go the Raz for a drumstick AKA dessert.
2. If anyone actually calls it The Blue Angel, they’re a wool Yeah. I KNOW it says ‘The Blue Angel’ in big letters on the outside, Sharon from Bebington… but it’s called The Raz, alright!?!
3. We’ve all been stuck to the floor in The Raz at least once. Maybe that’s how it gets to be 5am in that place so quickly – you get stuck in a sweaty, sticky drink, time vortex.
4. We’ve all made best mates with someone in the Heebie Jeebies smoking garden and then lost them 3 minutes later. Even though it’s 10ft by 10ft.
5. Toilet attendants are like life’s great philosophers. As long as it’s the philosophy of lollipops and Thierry Mugler’s rancid perfumes.
6. Taxi drivers are long suffering heroes. They’ve seen things, man. Especially when you practically hold them at gunpoint to make them go round the Maccies drive thru for your 20 chicken nugget ‘snack’.
7. You can’t knock a good hipster bar. Yeah, you don’t know any of the songs and everyone’s wearing cords and fluent in the language of beard oil. But whatever.
8. There’s always one of your mates who won’t go the Krazyhouse cos it’s “full of goths” Kin’ell Stacey, it’s only 16 year olds smashed on Blue WKDs you’ve got to contend with. Ask them if they’ve done their homework and fill your boots.
9. Concert Square is a dive. But you can’t not go there! Just be prepared to tell 10 brides on their hen do “Arrrr am made up for ya!” – even if their aunty Peggy is suffocating you with her bingo wing while you’re waiting at the bar.
10. Dreaming Of You by The Coral is an absolute banger. At 2am in Mojo’s, most songs seem like bangers to be fair.
11. There’s a Bumper shaped hole in Hardman Street, and my heart, okay!? If you couldn’t get a neck in Bumper there was nothing down for ya.
12. Everyone knows who and what a Dave is and they’ve necked loads of them.
13. You’ve nearly had to get your stomach pumped after drinking £1 shots of Tequila at Cava.
14. Starting your night in the Slag & Lettuce on the two for one cocktails because you’re classy but skint.
15. You’ve had a dance off with a 6 foot 5 drag queen in the gay quarter. And lost. Badly.
16. There’s a point in the night (after about 4 drinks) when going the Baby Croc to sing Adele on the karaoke seems like the best idea anyone has ever had in the history of forever.
17. You can’t walk more than 6 feet without being offered a free shot on Mathew Street – then you get in the bar and it’s a shot of juice with about 0.01% alcohol in it.
18. That double toilet cubicle in Maya is the best invention ever. You can happily piss away without even having to stop telling you best mate how your ex used to leaves skiddies in his undies. The dirty twat.
19. Going for a nice civilised afternoon drink in Constellations and ending up staying for the night event and rolling in at 6am the next day.
20. You have to admire Slaters getting around the Weights and Measures act by serving you your quad vod as two doubles.
21. You’ve learnt everything you know and ever need to know about pole dancing from Popworld.
22. The Albert Dock is a step up in class, if you can step on the cobbles without going arse over tit that is.
23. You’ve gone to Berry and Rye and knocked on the wrong door. Every time.
24. You can’t resist a good old singalong on Church Street with a busker. If you haven’t given them a quid after a rousing duet of Hey Jude, have you even been on a night out in Liverpool?
25. You’ve got 65 scatty selfies in the Salt Dog Slims bath.
26. You’re a bit sad that Ex-Directory closed before you even had the chance to find it.
27. You’ve ordered a sharing cocktail, to yourself.
What are your favourite things you only know after being on a night out in Liverpool? Leave me a comment!
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