It’s January and we’re all (most of us) (some of us) (ok everyone except me cos I’m dead lazy) are hitting the gym like we’re hitting up exes when we’ve had 3 bottles of prosecco. Here’s 22 thoughts that will deffo go through your head when you’re in the metal jungle.
1. I can do this! I’m pumped and ready to go!
2. I am confident and positive. I am so healthy and pure.
3. By the end of this session I’m going to look like a Victoria Secrets Model.
4. Do I look fat in this?
5. It’s already taken me 15 minutes to decide which gym top makes me look skinnier. I do not have time for this back fat!
6. No! I’m all set; I’m wearing the brand new gym clothes I bought last week. I look good!
7. Her gym outfit is so much cuter than mine.
8. No don’t even think about it. Don’t you dare come near me.
9. Of course. Why WOULDN’T THE absolute fitfam goddess decide to park herself on the treadmill right next to me?
10. I’d totally do the same if I was her.
11. No I wouldn’t, I’d be running round naked and asking strangers to feel my abs.
12. How am I expected to run with these mounds of fat on my chest? I’m wearing a a sports bra with a standard bra underneath and I still can’t manage to tame the beasts! Maybe it’s time to give up and just do an ‘inclined power walk’ instead…
13. I hope that cute personal trainer didn’t see that…
14. Why does every single gym, without fail seems to have a really fit personal trainer who looks like the Gods have sculpted him?
15. He’s still looking. He’s either checking me out or judging everything I’m doing.
16. Probably checking me out 💅
17. Am I even doing this right? Who am I kidding; I have no idea what I’m doing!
18. And I’ve ventured into the weights room amongst all the grunting men – I deserve a pat on the back because who even knows how to do a kettle bell squat! Me, that’s who!
19. Surely that 3-minute run has burnt off the 2 McChicken Sandwiches I ate for lunch?
20. Has it been 10 minutes yet? Lol nope, 4 minutes! This machine is definitely broke.
21. What is that man doing?!! Why is he swinging his arms in all different directions? Should I be doing that too? Will it get rid of my dinner lady arms?
22. Finally, gym done! Time to reward myself with a Nandos. …and a share pack of minstrels.