I know it’s all very cool and trendy to do one of these listicles; nearly every blogger and news outlet has done their own take on a ‘Things That Need To Be Left In 2017’ post, but having done a 2015 and a 2016 one I feel like I really need to carry on the tradition. Not least because there’s some seriously annoying things that just need to fuck off quite frankly.
12 Things That Need To Be Left In 2017
Photos captioned with “vibes”
Vibes? What vibes? Bad vibes? Good vibes? Rampant rabbit vibes? Let’s just be honest and say, “I think I look fit in this photo and I absolutely cannot be arsed thinking of a caption.”
We get it. You’re owned by Facebook now and you’re basically a soul-less money making machine. You’ve given us an algorithm that nobody wanted or asked for under the guise that it would show people the content that they actually wanted to see in their feed. Well chief, believe it or not, if I follow someone, I want to see their stuff. I want to see it when they post it, not 8 days later. I want to see it all in order so I can catch up on what I’ve missed and know exactly where I’m up to. If you want businesses to pay to advertise with you then charge for active links – THAT’S WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT. Give us back our chronological timeline. Same goes for you Facebook.
She’s just got one of those faces hasn’t she? You know what I mean. Her songs are OKAY. The media seem to absolutely tongue her chocolate starfish though and I don’t get it. She’s not that good. Why is she presenting ANTM? Why is she a judge on X Factor or BGT (I can’t remember which one and it pains me to google her)? Why did Jay-Z shag her? Most importantly, what the fuck is wrong with her voice? Someone tell her to blow her nose and piss off. Petition to replace her with Dua Lipa.
Honest to god girl, you’ll look back a year from now and laugh that you were even arsed. Delete him, block him, pretend his ma swallowed him. BYEEEEEE.
I know some of you are clinging on to this for dear life but prosecco has had its day in the sun. If you still need convincing then try reading this. And don’t tell me you don’t like gin and tonic until you’ve had the Aldi pink gin or Boe Violet with Fever Tree light. None of that Schweppes crap.
I’m telling you this now girls because I love you – you cannot create a decent smoky eye, cut crease or spotlight with nothing but shimmer eyeshadow. It looks absolutely offensive. Matte on the brow bone, matte in the crease and you are permitted to have a bit of shimmer on the lid and even possibly the tiniest bit to finish off the brow bone but that’s your lot. If I see any of you with shimmer in the crease in 2018 then shit’s gonna pop off.
Unnatural staged blogger pics
Oh yeh hun, I always sit there watching Christmas films with my best mate with our feet tied together with fairy lights. JUST FUCK OFF. It doesn’t look cute, it doesn’t look aspirational, it looks ridiculous. People like it because they think they should and so bloggers take these ridiculously edited and styled pictures because it’s what they think people want to see and it just spirals and gets worse and worse. Stop it. You’re supposed to be blogging your life not trying to blag your life is a Pinterest board. This is deffo one of the things that need to be left in 2017.
Having a cozy night at home🎄 writing blogposts and watching christmas movies. Love this time of the year ♥️ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #fashionblogger #photography #christmastree #christmas #cybercorner #weekend #saturday #amsterdam #leiden #christmasdecor #homealone #christmastime #festive #evening #goodnight #blog #fashionstyle
Just when you thought Margaret Thatcher had made enough of a show of us as a woman in power, along comes Theresa ‘more backbone in a ballsack’ May. She’s a living Spitting Image puppet and a joke and I’m embarrassed for her and for us. Please for the love of god put a decent woman in power, or a Jeremy Corbyn. She can keep Brexit with her as well, just another one of the many things that need to be left in 2017.
I’m sick of the idiot in the golden toupee an all. I’m sick of the stupid shite that comes out of his mouth (and we all thought Bush was as base as it gets), I’m sick of every idiotic thing he tweets becoming global news, I’m sick of him denying climate change, I’m sick of his cat bum mouth and I’m sick of the fact he has more than a passing resemblance to one of my exes and every time I see his grid I am triggered.
Dressing gown vs housecoat
Look, this guy says it better than I ever could. It’s a dressing gown. I’m glad that’s decided, let’s all move on.
Calling a dressing gown a housecoat is like calling slippers a gaff shoe, absolutely not a thing
Recycled meme accounts
If you’ve seen one meme account, you’ve seen them all. Can we just have like one account that they all run through and then we don’t have to see the same ones from 2013 being posted again like a fresh hot take?
Plant based diet
This is definitely a PR move from Vegan Head Office, but I’m onto it. Vegan’s are smart. They know that as soon as people hear the words, “I’m a vegan” their eyes glaze over and they stop listening. No one calls themselves vegan anymore, they say “I follow a plant based diet” instead. Suddenly it’s about diet and skin benefits. I see you vegans, I see you.
So yeh, if we could jib all of these things that need to be left in 2017 off, then 2018 is gonna be absolutely smashing. K, thanks, bye xxx