We’ve become slaves to technology. Social media addicts who crave the validation of a notification. If checking your phone is the last thing you do at night and the first thing you do in the morning maybe you need to take a digital detox?
You’re easily distracted
Have you ever been at an important meeting, family event or just catching up with a friend and felt the gravitational pull to your phone? You know you shouldn’t check it but you want to. “My minddddss tellin me nooooo but my body…my booddyy” you get it. You’re like an addict who needs their fix. Once you check you’re phone, you’ll feel fine and all will be right in the world. What if I have notifications? What if I’m missing something funny on Facebook? What if my crush, who doesn’t know I exist, has text me? Listen here you beautiful beehotch, I’m about to hit you up with some truth. All of those things can wait. I mean, the crush thing will never happen, this is real life, not a Jennifer Aniston movie, but the other two things can definitely wait. Engage with the people around you. Have a good old fashioned conversation. Ask people how they are, what’s going on in their lives, and don’t ask just to be polite, ask because you’re interested and it’s important. Are you a human or just a bitch to your iphone? Is your phone your ex? No? Well stop running back to it. Do you want to be on your death bed and be like….damn…I’m so glad I refreshed twitter 366 times a day, every day for my whole life and didn’t take notice of stuff like sunsets, the moon, the stars, my babys first steps, a friend who just needed someone to listen or my dog doing something funny. Don’t look at your phone for 3 hours, you’ll feel spiritually cleansed, it’s amazing.
You start to think in ‘new posts’
You’ve begun to document every aspect of your life through statuses. Minor inconveniences at the Asda…Facebook needs to know. Bus driver being a knob? Twitter needs to be informed. Bowel movement becomes irregular, get that on Instagram STAT. Unless it’s something that induces cardiac arrests in people because it’s so funny, then maybe leave the fact that you ate a quinoa salad for lunch off Facebook, no one needs to know what will be included in your faecal matter in 12-14 hours time.
tbf this would be a fire selfie
You find reading a book actually becomes a luxury.
Whenever you read an actual book with actual pages that you physically have to turn, you start to wonder why you haven’t been awarded with some sort of PHD. I mean look at you, reading words, you educated bastard.
You start to become indecisive and lack any concentration.
Any task you have takes you 10 times longer. You’re mind is constantly thinking…what if I’m missing something online. I can’t concentrate right now, I know, I’ll treat myself to a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Snapchat check. It’s like an itch that needs to be scratched and once you’ve had your hit of social media, you can get on with the task at hand until you feel like you’ve lost concentration again and ooops! Lookey here, I’ve found myself reading a post about a dog who can predict your star sign without knowing your birthday. This is important information that I need to know. Since starting this article I’ve checked Facebook 6 times and read up on everything I need to know about the new Carter-Knowles twins, from possible names to the fact that they will have achieved world domination by the age of 2. On a side note, if she doesn’t name them Dabadee & Dabadie then what’s the point in life itself? We could all start to heal from the abomination that was 2016, so do the right thing Beyonce.
Your morning and night routine always includes your phone.
You go to sleep looking at your phone and you wake up looking at your phone. You’re more likely to pick up your device before even saying morning to your loved one lying right next to you…What have we become?! Looking at your phone before you sleep can actually be really damaging. The body reacts to darkness and tells your brain it’s time to sleep, so if you find you have trouble sleeping, maybe leave your phone out of your bedroom. I know, but how?! How can I possibly go to sleep without trapping myself in a never ending cycle of checking the same 3 apps over and over again? It’s like breaking a habit, because that’s all it is. You’ve trained yourself to think that you need to check your phone. Keep it in the next room on charge if you have to. Or if you’re waiting on an important call that might come in the night (family member in hospital, friend in need or booty call) leave it face down and in a non reaching distance to your bed and just go to sleep. Stop waiting for that ‘goodnight beautiful’ text that you so desperately want. It’s never gonna come and deep down you know he’s a fckboy. So, exfoliate, moisturise and get your beauty sleep.
You’re a professor in meme-ology.
If you start to season everything the way ‘salt bae’ does then you know you need to wean yourself off the memes. Or alternatively when you find yourself responding to your managers emails with ‘Cash me outside how bout dat?’ and think to yourself….why must I be this way?… when they’re handing you your P45, it’s time to put the phone down. It doesn’t look great when your next possible job asks you why you left your previous role and you have to say ‘mis use of a meme’.
Your downtime starts to become social media time.
You’ve got in from a long day at work (where you’ve checked your phone approximately 94 times) and you snuggle down to the warm fuzzy safe glow of the blue light emitting from your screen. It’s worry free, it’s safe, the only thing you have to move is your thumb, it’s cosy, you’ve never felt more at peace. It’s like you’re out but you don’t have to physically go out. What could be better?! Whenever your friends want to make plans the only thing that makes you go is having new material to post onto your social networks to let people know you’re a mad party animal bastard who can’t be tamed but the reality is you’re back home by 10, in bed with a hot cup of cocoa crying about why you’re ex never really loved you.
You keep your phone on the dinner table.
Honestly, if you do this, who do you think you are? I’m sorry, are you Oprah Winfrey? Do you have multiple businesses that need your attention right now? It’s basically telling the other person that they aren’t worth your time, and if your phone buzzes you won’t hesitate to ignore them because they just don’t matter to you. The hilarious dog videos, Kylie Jenner selfies and Karen from work telling Facebook her husband cheated on her again, can all wait till later. The person in front of you is who matters, because one day you’ll look back and realise that phones are helpful for modern life but nothing will ever beat a great conversation and making someone you care about, feel like they’re worth your time. Funny stories don’t happen from “remember that time I was looking at my phone…” they come from actually doing stuff with people, like catching up with your mate at brunch the morning after to hear about the horror show she slept with last night, you know, the important stuff.
The irony of this article is that you’re probably reading it on a phone, tablet or laptop. The internet is a great invention and the birth of the smart phone has made many peoples lives easier. We can link up with loved ones half way across the planet within seconds, catch up on current affairs from around the globe and follow adorable dogs on Instagram that you’ll never meet but with everything, it’s best in moderation. So, the next time you find yourself on your ex boyfriends cousins half brothers adopted goldfish’s Facebook page, maybe put your phone down and get out and enjoy life because you’re here for a good time but not a long time.