So here we are again. The funny, vibrant, beautiful girl I know is in pieces, left broken hearted by the pond scum you called your fella. Even though your taste in men is worse than the taste of that black tomato gin we had that time and even though you may feel like you’re in 1000 little pieces and even though we hadn’t finished putting you back together from last time, we will be here to help put you back together again. I know you feel like only he has the glue to put you back together but look again and see that big fuck off hammer he’s holding. SEE IT.
I’m so angry. Obviously I’m angry at him and I have plenty to say on that matter and I will but also I’m angry at you and I’m angry at me. I’m angry at you for putting him before anything else – your happiness, your career, your friendships, your health (because not eating when he’s emotionally torturing you isn’t healthy). I’m angry at myself because I’ve done all that before and I can see with hindsight how fucking stupid it is.
I’m angry at you for seeing me going through almost the exact same thing, seeing the hurt and the pain and the sheer graft of being broken hearted and healing a broken heart but you’ve still been blind to it happening to you. I’m angry at me for ever being in that situation either, I’m angry that I didn’t have the self worth to stand up and say ‘enough, I’m better than you and I’m better than the way you’re treating me’. I’m angry at you for not learning from my mistakes even though I know full well we all have to make our own. It’s how we grow.
I’m angry that you think you’ll never get past this, that you think you’ll never get over him when everyone else in your universe can see in HD 4k vision that he ain’t shit. I’m mad that you think he has the key to your happiness when all he has are the locks.
You are beautiful, stunning in fact. You are the type of girl who turns head when she walks into a room and it’s effortless. You’re the type of girl who people remember. Your laugh is infectious and your sense of humour is wicked. You have your ditzy moments but you’re sharp and clever. You have a kind heart with so much love to give but you’ve been giving it to someone who’s not worth even being gobbed on. You’ve been going the extra mile for someone who won’t even get off his metaphorical arse for you. That’s exhausting and tiring and no wonder you feel broken.
You are not broken, just broken hearted. You are whole, this is temporary. You are all you need. You are not a half of something bigger, searching the earth for its other half, moping. You are a whole human being and no matter what they tell you in films, a relationship is not the be all and end all and especially not with that dipshit.
He is selfish, he is thoughtless, he cares for no one but himself. He’s happy for you to be there when everything is all nice and lovely and pleasant and easy FOR HIM, but with the slightest hint of a cloud on the horizon and you won’t see him for dust. That’s not a relationship, it’s just not. It’s love flowing, one way, endlessly down a drain. In short, he’s a Guinness hangover skiddy on the toilet bowl of life. He’ll say he doesn’t know what he wants, but he does; he wants everything and he wants nothing. As the old saying goes, he wants to hold his cake and he wants to eat his cake – you can’t do both.
Oh and Mr Winnet, Mr Pondscum, Mr Dried Up Dick Cheese, if you’re reading this, and I hope you are – none of us are fooled and none of us were fooled. We see you, we know you for exactly what you are. We have known many like you before. You might think you’re complicated like a 5000 piece jigsaw of human feelings, but you’re not. You’re a toddler shape sorter. You are textbook. You are laughable.
Delete her number, forget she exists, don’t come fucking near her. Don’t text her, don’t snap her, don’t call her, don’t answer her drunk calls, don’t even think about her just in case your thoughts vibrate on her frequency. Don’t dream about her. Don’t you fucking dare. You are not worthy. Don’t keep her dangling just in case you feel like picking her up one day to play with her feelings all over again. Don’t feed her just enough crumbs of your attention and contact so that she can’t heal. Don’t be the cunt who keeps picking her scab. You are the scab. I would say you’ve done enough damage, but truth be told you’ve done her a favour. No matter how broken hearted she is right now.
Yes that’s right gorgeous girl, he has done you a favour. You will rise like a goddess and be better than you were before. You’ll be stronger.
Don’t shut down, don’t close yourself off from love, don’t be scared to do it all again just because it’s easier to feel nothing than to feel what you’re feeling right now. Love again one day, but this time with the scales removed from your eyes. Love again but with a deep unwavering love for yourself. Love again but in a balanced partnership. Don’t love a little, insignificant man. Love a man who deserves you.
Until then we’ll be here with heartbreak gin, chocolate and cake. That’s the only glue you need right now my broken hearted girl.