Scouse Bird VS Daily Mail

daily mail

(Originally published in 2014)

Ladies day on national weekend is a Liverpool Institution. Never mind the X Factor, a Sassy Bird’s dream is to win the best dressed competition and have the demi-god amongst Liverpool ladies, Coleen Rooney, say that you look sound. After all we pride ourselves on being glamorous and fashion forward so what better accolade is there than to be crowned queen of the fashionistas on this, the most eagerly anticipated day of the social calendar?

Unfortunately, even queens have plotters who would over-throw them given half the chance and year after year the Daily Mail hang around like a hangover fart, trying their best to make us all look a sheow.  The cold hearted paps with their telescopic lenses know that they’ll get at least £300 for a picture of a fat bird with a streaky tan while the editor sits in his exclusive London office rubbing his hands with glee not giving a shiny shite that this girl might have saved all year for that dress and god damn it, she’s doing her best. The Daily Mail have badly got it in for Scousers though, what’s the matter? Did some Scouse Bird give you the KB once? Don’t be bitter, be better.

I’m not going to deny for one moment that there are women who make fashion faux pas on the day or have a bit too much to drink and end up on the floor legs akimbo (you all know the picture I’m talking about) but I bet that a) they feel fantastic and b) they have a ball. Isn’t that what life’s about anyway? Just being happy? This year I will only be celebrating and flying the flag for Sassy Birds by doing the #CircleOfFab. That’s right, I’m taking the Daily Mail on. The paps can get to fuck, I know for every sheow they find, I can get 10 more fab heads.

So girls, get your dresses ready, get your spray tans done, book your curly blow and get the biggest and most fabulous hat you can find cos I’ll be looking for you. Let’s stick two fingers to the paps and show the country how it’s done.