Scouse as a Foreign Language on National Curriculum from next year

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Following a number of drawn-out discussions, it will become compulsory for Scouse to be taught as a foreign language in schools across the country from September next year.

The MEFS (Merseyside Education Foundation Services) have been pushing for this move for some time, saying that the level of Scouse speakers in this country is dangerously low.

The MEFS have suggested that French, Spanish and German are all taught regularly, and we’re well closer than them.

 

Students will be taught simple phrases, such as ordering some chicken and a can of coke. In some cases speech therapists will need to be flown in from Spain to assist with the voiceless velar fricatives, because hardly any other English person can get it right.

Central to the lesson plan will be the ‘7 Ds’: “De” “Do” “Dat” “Der” “Don’t” “De” “Dough”.

Talks were also ongoing to add ‘Mancunian’ to lesson plans, but authorities found there was nothing to be gained by acting miserable and getting rained on.