Scouse Bird Problems – The Mr Men & Little Misses of Liverpool – which one are you?

Posted On: 29/07/2015

By: Keeley Buckley

I came across an interesting article the other day about the way that Londoners behave. Having worked with a few big city wigs in my time, it was nice to see that I wasn’t the only one that didn’t understand the concept of ‘Brunch’. In any case it made me think about the little traits we have north of the border, and about how those people that I worked with didn’t really understand me.

One of the great things about Scousers is their love of a good night out. It’s very different down south. So I thought about all our little traits and what we’re like and decided to use Little Misses and Mr. Men to help explain some of the best that came to mind.

Little Miss ‘Out Every Night’

This Little Miss never ‘misses’ anything. If it’s a re-opening, a closing down, an anniversary, an annual event, she will be at every single one. She has recurring appointments for the curly blows, extension sew-ins, colours, spray tans, nails, lashes, brows and is waxed to within an inch of her life. She never, NO NEVER, leaves anything to chance because she might get invited to ‘XYZ…’ and needs to be night out ready at all times. She even carries around her day to night emergency pack. If she can’t get to her own stock of MAC Make up and get to her designated party on time, this is an SOS. Little Miss ‘Out Every Night’ is the girl we all want to be. But behind the scenes, she is a permanent chick. Permanently skint, knackered, hung-over, and on the edge of her nerves. But that’s what keeps her so thin, the lucky cow!

Mr. ‘Out Every Night’ Man

Like Little Miss, he never misses a thing. He also never misses Little Miss because she is probably who he goes home with most nights. They won’t be committed, and he will always be with ‘the lads’. But by 1am, they will have met up in their usual spot and be bitching at each other like they have been married for years. His getting ready ritual is similar, but not as expensive or time consuming. He is also likely to have a few pairs of boxers and toothbrush handy ‘just in case’.

(These two will eventually become Mr. and Mrs., we all know that, it’s just a matter of when and where).

Little Miss ‘I’ve Got Nothing to Wear’

‘I’ve got NOTHING to wear’ is this Little Miss’s staple statement. When she opens the door to her bedroom/flat/garage/rented storage unit, you get smothered in an avalanche of things that she ‘can’t wear’. Remember that dress you wanted, in your exact size? Well you can’t have it, because it’s in her collection even though she is two sizes bigger/ smaller than you. Actually, you can’t really remember whether you saw that dress in a shop, or in her possession. This is because she has the Met Quarter, Liverpool One and Church Street’s new season’s styles about a week after they are released. Luckily she does lend things out, but only so she can borrow something back because she has ‘NOTHING to wear’.

Little Miss ‘I can’t get a babysitter’

She was the one that everyone loved whilst she was pregnant and had dreams of this little bundle in tiny Gucci shoes. Fast forward a year and she is dying to get out of the house for a good night out. What makes it worse is that her Mum, whom she thought would be on hand to look after her bundle of joy, is out on the night out that Little Miss can’t get a babysitter for. With Little Miss’s mates also. The bloody cheek!

Mr. ’What’s a Babysitter’ Man

He is Little Miss ‘I can’t get a babysitter’s fella. Guess where he is? Yes that’s right, he is out on the same night out as her mates, her mum and just about everybody else she knows

Little Miss ‘I am not drinking’

This Little Miss is the one that is skint/in work in the morning/on antibiotics/on a diet and deffo NOT drinking. At around 2am she can be found on Matthew Street with kebab all over her Armani Exchange cream skirt trying to stay upright. Whilst you hang around flagging a taxi because she can’t walk to the taxi rank.

Little Miss ‘I binned him off’

She needs to go out. She has had her hair cut (only an inch off, but you know, it’s a big deal). She is wearing red nails and not pink. She is showing some side boob and she is ready to eat up the men. She is a catwalk strutting, hair flicking, pouting diva on the pull.

Mr. ‘I binned her off’ Man

See above. But change the side boob to a two pack. Change the nails to a new watch. Most importantly change the hair flicking to a sexy grin.

(These two will play cat and mouse all night, ducking in and out of places to avoid each other. They will talk to other people and pass out numbers. Then they will simultaneously drink dial each other at 2am. They go home together, confess undying love, wake up, break up AGAIN and do the same thing every weekend for the next six months).

So, which one are you? 😉

XOXO

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