Scouse Bird Problems – Survive the Glastonbury ticket rush

Posted On: 16/09/2014

By: Lisa Lyons

Lisa Lyons gives you her top ten tips ahead of ticket sale day to make sure every Scouse bird makes it to Glastonbury for 2015

It’s been just over three months since I returned from the muddy fields of Worthy Farm, much like, I imagine, a Vet returning from ‘Nam. Yet despite the good two weeks I spent afterwards shivering and shaking and trying desperately to recover (it’s much worse than Ibiza blues, trust me), I’m now chomping at the bit for the 5th October so I can secure my place for 2015.

Glastonbury is without a doubt one of the best places on Earth and is something that everyone should experience (even Scouse prinnys. Do not let the mud put you off, you can even get a pretty sound curly blow in there, swear down). But securing a ticket can be one of the most nerve wracking, exhausting and “can’t cope” experiences that a bird can go through. For FIVE years I tried tirelessly to buy one of these bad boys to no avail. But last year the Gods smiled down on me and I finally managed to do a Charlie Bucket and get my freshly manicured talons on a Golden Ticket.

So here they are, my top ten tips to help the rest of you out even though I haven’t scored my own ticket yet! I’m a proper sound bird like that though.

  • First off, DO NOT forget to register prior to ticket day. Sounds simple I know, but there are divvys who forget to do this. Imagine actually getting through to the booking page and then realising you don’t have a registration number. Devoed! So yeah, make sure you register.
  • When it comes to registering don’t forget to make sure that you have an Instagram worthy photo ready, because that picture is going on your ticket if you get one. Have a few saved that you can upload though because they are proper photie Nazis on there honestly. Your pic has to be face on, what’s that about?! Don’t they realise every girl has her good side?
  • Decide prior to ticket day which type you are going for: The coach and ticket package or just your standard ticket. Having never been on the coach I suppose I really shouldn’t be giving opinions on this, but some of the horror stories I’ve heard from the coach have put me right off. Stuck on a smelly, cramped coach for hours in the traffic, surrounded by wools? No taa. Discuss with your mates who is game to drive and do it that way. Make sure you check which day your chosen tickets are coming out on though, as coach packages go on sale before the standard. Get your information right before you start, don’t fall at the first hurdle!
  • If you are going for a standard ticket, that means you’re going to be up at the crack of dawn (well, 9am on a Sunday is the crack of dawn to me). Forget going out on the Saturday night, if you’re serious about getting a ticket, and you should be, then hangovers are a no no. You need to be up for 8.30am at the latest with everything set up and ready to go. If you are going for the coach ticket you need to be online for 6.30pm, this may mean leaving work early for some as it did for me last year, so get your excuses ready; “I’m sick”, “Boo you whore!” Talking of preparation, make sure you have sufficient funds in yours (or your fellas) bank account. In fact, practice memorising the number before hand so you are quick off the mark if you get on that booking page. Although, if it’s your fellas card I’m sure you will have that memorised anyway, so you’re already a step ahead of the game.
  • Try and get the house to yourself, or at least hope that the other members of your house hold will be out or asleep and leave you to it. This might seem over the top but honestly, me and my fella didn’t speak for a week after Glasto ticket day last year and that was with me actually managing to get one! Granted, I might have turned my crank o’meter up to full belt, but to be honest, he was asking for it when he came downstairs as I was murderously pressing ‘refresh’ and muttered the phrase “it’s just a ticket babe, you can go next time”. Gobshite.
  • Get yourself some munchies ready because believe me, you’re in it for the long haul. This is one of those times that calories don’t count. You have enough stress going on as it is so make sure you’ve sent your fella the shop for you the night before for a giant Galaxy. So what if it’s 9am on a Sunday, you need this to calm your nerves. Swerve the drinks though, toilet breaks? ‘Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that.
  • The reason I suggest getting up half an hour before you can actually order your ticket is because you need to set up. This is key! As well as having you bank details right next to you and your snacks, you also need to set up and log on to your devices. Yes, that’s devices plural. If I was you I would be sitting at your PC (if you’re still old school enough to have one), have yours and your brother’s/sister’s/fella’s lap tops open and your iPad and iPhone ready. All of these should be logged onto the booking page well before 9am/7pm (depending on your ticket type) so then you can flex those fingers and press refresh as many times as is humanly possible. I’m not going over board here, multiple devices are a must.
  • Have your back up team in place. These are all the people who you are planning to go with if you manage to get tickets. Have all their registration numbers written down as well as your own and give them yours so that if one of you manages to get on the booking page first you can get them all in a job lot. It’s also a good idea to all put your money into one person’s account and just use those card details if one of you gets on. I would also recommend a group Whatsapp so you can quickly inform the others if you get through. But make sure you have all agreed on the golden rule before hand: DO NOT message unless you’re on the booking page and ready to hit submit. No messages of, “oh this is so frustrating” or “any luck yet?” No one has time to read your nonsense when they are pressing refresh so many times their hands are cramping up. This is a military operation, so treat it as such!
  • Don’t keep checking Facebook. Its hard not to have it open on Glasto day but believe me, it causes more stress than its worth. You will have people gloating who already have tickets which will make you see red and want to lash your iPad out the window. You will also get little divvys posting that “they’ve heard” that they’re all sold out now. They might be right but never trust this, keep going to the bitter end. You can hopefully then log on once your ticket is secured and put a gloriously gloating status about how you and your bitches are Glasto bound complete with screen shot of your booking confirmation email. But if you don’t get one…don’t log on for at least 5 days. It’s not worth the time you will waste fuming, honestly.
  • Last but not least, my final Glastonbury ticket tip is to have patience and perseverance, because the process can take hours (and you could have to go through it more than once if you fail the first time and need to go through the re-sale next April). This may be the hardest part, but do not give up! We’ve all gone through the traumatic experience of putting one eyelash on sound and the other just going completely wonky or not sticking at all no matter how much MAC Duo you put on. But, we have all over come this and ended up being selfie ready before leaving the house. This is real patience and perseverance girls, so channel this on ticket day and you will be sound. Promise!

Visit www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk to register. Coach packages go on sale 7pm Wednesday 1st October and standard tickets at 9am on Sunday 5th October. 

xoxo

Planning on going to Glastonbury? Read Scouse Bird’s ’10 things a princess needs to survive camping’ blog here.

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