Scouse Bird Problems – So what makes the perfect pout?

Posted On: 02/02/2015

By: Scouse Bird

The perfect pout, it’s something we all want but what exactly is it? For some it means the bigger the better but believe it or not there is actually a science to it all and it’s called ‘The Golden Ratio’. Apparently to be classed as having the perfect lips your mouth should be 1/3 top lip and 2/3 bottom lip. How simple.

I’ve always been dead against having lip fillers. For one I’m old enough to remember Lesley Ash and the train wreck that was her lip job (I believe it’s where the term trout pout originated from) and two, I’ve been blessed with full lips anyway so what’s the point? The smug bitch in me remembers being skitted in school and getting called ‘big lips’ – well who’s laughing now bitches?

Imagine my horror when, comfortable in my smugness, I was modeling a new Illamasqua lipstick and about to post a picture of my ‘luscious’ natural lips to Instagram when I noticed a never before seen fatal flaw – my lips were badly wonky. One side full, one side a bit skinny. Looking in the mirror I couldn’t see anything wrong. That mirror image is what I’d been looking at my whole life but that bastard iPhone front camera… well it flips the image round so you actually see what everyone else really sees. Nightmare. I pointed my wonky gobbed-ness out to my boyfriend and he remarked ‘Yeh I’d noticed that.” What?? What?? He doesn’t even notice when I go from natural hair to 22” extensions and HE’D noticed. I must’ve been walking round looking like Picasso for years!

The lips of wonk 

I contacted Epilight New Skin Clinic on Rodney Street and asked whether or not it would be at all possible to even up my kissers. Does one have to go pouty all over or can one simply plump up one side? The answer was thankfully yes! Also once you hit the dreaded 3-0 (not quite there yet, hanging onto my twenties by the skin of my teeth) your lips start to age and lose their definition and plump-ness. Jenny, the Epilight lip specialist advised me that the best thing to do would be to define the ‘borders’ round my lips and fill in the ‘philtrim’ ever so slightly (the philtrim is the lines from your nose to your mouth) and that I would find this made a huge difference. She then injected a tiny amount of filler into one side of my upper and lower lip to even them out.

After sitting for 10 minutes with numbing cream on, looking like I’d just been on the receiving end of a particularly enthusiastic money shot, I didn’t really feel anything more than a sharp pinch needle wise. No worse than Botox which isn’t bad at all. You can see the finished results almost immediately as the swelling doesn’t kick in right away. I was pleasantly surprised at how such a small and subtle change could make such a huge difference. I looked younger, fitter and much more symmetrical straightaway. I used 2/3 of a 1ml syringe.

I went out that night and my lips did look a bit stretched and swollen and felt a little bruised. The swelling was worse the next morning but by the morning after that, the swelling had gone completely and it was back to having a subtly more luscious set of kissing cushions. I wasn’t even rumbled when I went for Sunday dinner at my mums – I didn’t tell her I’d had anything for fear of a Lesley Ash lecture.


That night

Would I recommend it? Well I don’t have the golden ratio (I’m a bit more 50/50 than 1:2 – that’s just how my mama made me) but I’m 100% more confident about how my lips look. It wasn’t painful and the ladies at Epilight made me feel really comfortable and at ease. I definitely wouldn’t trust my lips to a back street beauty salon, no matter how cheap they were offering fillers – it’s one thing getting a dodgy eyebrow wax but it’s another thing getting a Lesley.

Also Epilight have THE best couch in the world.

Lip fillers are now on offer for £295 reduced from £395 for a limited time only, click here for more info.


Scouse Bird


Other articles you might like:

Cheats guide: To the perfect pout

Cheats guide: To cheekbones

Botox – The only man I trust

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