Scouse Bird Problems – When Bad Hair Happens to Good People – A 7 Step Guide on How To Get Through the Ordeal of a Bad Haircut

Hair.  For us woman, it’s all about the hair.  Yes, make up is important but if you are rocking a gorgeous outfit, your make-up is airbrush perfect but your hair is looking like an old man’s nose hair after a sneeze, the outfit is instantly ruined.  We, as women, are very particular about our hair and the average British woman will spend £2,055 on their hair per year.  And if you have hair extensions or a high maintenance hair colour, it’s going to be so much more. 

But what happens when the person you trust to cut your hair lets you down and betrays you in the worst way possible:  by giving you a proper shit haircut? 

Yes, the thought leaves all women in a cold sweat with nightmares.  I mean, how could you trust anyone ever again?   Sadly, this was something that I have found out first hand….

I naturally have baby fine hair and have only ever rocked a graduated bob hair style (the same as Victoria Beckham circa 1997) because when my hair gets longer than that, it sadly goes all stringy and awful. (Damn genetics!!) ) So I stuck with what was safe for years:  A glossy graduated bob hair style. 

As I am losing weight I and the fact that some celebrities like the gorgeous Kaley Cuoco Sweeting, Lily Collins, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron and the gorgeous Scarlett Johansson were going for the chop, I thought why not?  Plus with the weight that I am losing, I am looking less like a happy tomato when I smile and with my new found cheekbones I figured I could pull the style off!  And with all the exercise I am doing (I’m training 6-7 days a week!) it would be easier to just wash, style and get on with it. 

I decided to go to my hairdresser, with a photo Jennifer Lawrence in hand thinking, what could go wrong? 


I didn’t walk out with the cute elfin pixie crop, but with what I call the butch trucker lady with a 1980’s inspired spiky hair on one side and massive puffy fringe massacre! 

When I walked into my home after this atrocity had been committed, my boyfriend looked at me shocked and then before I knew it, he was laughing at the state of my hair.  I looked at him and told him to never mess with the person that cooks his food or has access to his toothbrush. 

In the days after this dreadful haircut, I was so depressed; I wore headscarves, hoodies, and anything I could find to cover up the mess that was my hair.  I walked outside in sunglasses hoping to not get recognized.  These were dark days indeed.

But from this experience, I have become stronger.  In that, I have come up with a 7 step program to get through the traumatic experience of a bad haircut: 

1. It’s ok to cry. 

Yes, you need to grieve.  Get that tub of Ben and Jerry’s, a bottle of wine, a Dominos and cry it out with Adele on repeat.  Cancel all social activities.  It’s important to get the pain and the anger out of your system.  You will be feeling and acting irrationally so avoid making any big decisions. 

2. Go back to the Hairdresser who gave you the cut and ask them to clean it up. 

This is very important.  Let yourself cool down for 2-3 days and when you see them, don’t mouth off and throw a temper tantrum.  Give the butcher-I mean hairdresser-a chance to atone for the mess that they created.  In my case, this turned out to be a bad idea and he made it worse (if that was humanly possible):  A spikier asymmetric mess that was now Pepto-Bismol pink, because throwing in a free shitty hair dye job will, of course, placate an angry woman!!!!

3. Look to the Stars for Guidance. 

If you want to get all astrological go for it!  But I suggest looking at celebrities with a similar hair length, face shape and hair texture.  In my case, I could still get a pixie crop but it was too much of a mess and too short to go for the Jennifer Lawrence.   So I looked to Charlize Theron, Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss when they cropped their hair. This would be the shortest that I have ever had my hair but I could see no other way out.

4. Get a second opinion. 

Find a trusted hairdresser, usually word of mouth from friends that have a good hair style and see if they can rectify the mess.  Armed with my photos of Mrs. Beckham and Charlize Theron, I went to the hairdresser that my beauty therapist goes to (her hair always looks amazing!) and told her of the horrible events that had befallen me.  She looked at my face shape and agreed that the pixie crop would be the best way to go to get my hair looking decent but it was going to be a bit shorter than I originally wanted.  She also wondered what my hairdresser was smoking and if he did my hair style and colour as a drunken dare.  But she was very understanding and sweet and I walked out without donning a headscarf and my large sunglasses but sporting a cute, gamine pixie crop. 

5. Try to make the most of the new style. 

This sounds harder than it is but the way I see it is that I am stuck with the hair style for the foreseeable so I have decided to have fun with it.  So, I have dyed my hair candy floss pink. This hair cut doesn’t make me feel feminine, so I have been wearing more dresses and experimenting with different make-up styles.  I have even attempted contouring which I have learned that I should leave that to the experts, racing stripes down the cheeks and nose don’t look very flattering at all! I have also been putting headscarves and headbands in my hair, giving me a 1960’s vibe which matches my vintage rockabilly style.  I even bought a pink handbag to match my hair!  I mean, it made me forget about my ordeal for all of 3 minutes but it was a nice thought to match my accessories to my hair!  I plan on dying it turquoise next because it gives me an excuse to buy some turquoise shoes and a matching handbag…I am a woman in distress after all…. 

6. Make a hair plan. 

This for me, this has been the thing that has helped the most.   I love micromanaging things…I even colour coordinate my boyfriend’s sock and underwear drawer!  And then I alphabetise it!  (Yes, I probably have issues!!)  Anyway, I took the opportunity to look at other hairstyles that I have never thought of, or ones that I have wanted to try.  After a lot of research, I have decided on getting microring hair extensions with Deena (She has the Scouse Bird Seal of Approval, after all).  After having a telephone consultation with the lovely Deena (and she is very lovely) I will need to wait 6-8 months because my hair is so short.    It’s something for me to look forward to and it gives me time to figure out what colour, how long and ponder if I want to attempt a rock chick fringe.   Plus I am losing weight and by the time that my hair is hair extension ready I will have a fabulous new svelte body to go with my fabulous new hair!  (Fingers and toes crossed!)

7. Keep Calm and know that this is only temporary. 

Your hair is not going to grow back overnight.  No amount of bitching, whining, crying and pleading will make it grow back over night.  Don’t waste your money on hair vitamins or any “miracle” product.  Being patient and letting nature take its course is the only cure. 

Luckily we live in an age that we can get clip in extensions and we are spoiled for choice!


In summary, you need to work with the situation and not against it.  Take comfort in your friends and remember, no matter how bad you think your hair is, please remember, at least you didn’t get a horrible spiky 1980’s trucker inspired cropped cut!


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