Scouse Bird Problems – 10 Excuses to have an orgasm

Posted On: 01/09/2016

By: Scouse Bird

Whether you’re riding that dick like a pro or just having a little diddle of yourself, here’s 10 excuses why you should have an orgasm right now… like you need an excuse 😉


1. Boredom 

It’s something to do isn’t it? OK so you’ve spent the last hour trawling through the dregs of Netflix and come to the depressing realisation that you’ve actually watched every shitty made for TV film on there (including the Xmas ones) and while you appreciate a vintage Lindsay Lohan trash film as much as the next person and you could get a hobby like going to the gym (lol) or something, nothing is more enjoyable than riding the O train.

2. Stress relief

It’s a well known stress reliever, not only does it fire off all the pleasure centres in your pants but also in your brain. Seretonin delivery anyone?

3. Tired/insomnia

Much in the same way your fella rolls over and goes akip right after he’s ‘blown his load’ an orgasm releases all the relaxy hormones which send you right off to kip. So when you can’t sleep, instead of reaching for the sleeping pills, reach for your rabbit…

4. Pain relief/distraction

Have you ever heard of the distraction technique? Like if you’ve cut your finger and it hurts, break your leg and then suddenly you’ll forget all about your finger? Well next time you sprain a nail (like when you bang it and it doesn’t break but it still fucking wrecks!) don’t break your leg, get your leg over and try and find a more intense senstion like le petit mort (as the French call it).

5. Horny

Obvious one but it needs to be covered. Nothing cures the horn like making the beast with the two backs or the beast with one back and a fresh pack of batteries…


6. Love

There’s no better way to express just how much you love that gobshite fella of yours (after all he might be a gobshite but he’s YOUR gobshite) than by sharing such an intense experience together. But if he asks, there’s no better way to express your love than designer shoes and pizza. I got you girl.

7. Exploration

No one should know your body quite like you know your body. Find out what makes you tick (literally) by having an explore down in O town. Not only will you be better in tune to notice when something potentially isn’t right down there but you can also give expert directions on where to find the fucking clit to that dickhead rather than have him giving you friction burns by rubbing on your left labia for an hour thinking he’s a love god.

8. Celebratory

Pop a bottle sure, but have you also tried popping one off?

9. When the opportunity presents itself

As much as I hate to use one of those trendy hipster phrases – it really would be rude not to.

10. Cause you can 

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body (either gender) to have no actual use other than pleasure. None. Orgasms are boss, have dead dead loads.


Happy coming 😉


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