Work. Ugh. We’ve all hated our jobs at some point or another. For me, that point is called ‘Wednesday’. Can’t we all just be celebrities? Then we’d be rich and famous, and never have a care in the world. That would be great, but there’s always somebody who’s got to tidy up after the celeb party is over. Imagine being that person!
So the next time you’re dreading going into work, spare a thought for the poor people who’ve had to do these things…
1. P Diddy’s umbrella holder
You might feel like you live a classy lifestyle. But have you ever had your own personal assistant? How about a personal assistant whose only job is to hold an umbrella over your head? Well, you’re not as fancy as P Diddy!
2. Pink’s nipple pincher
Okay, so imagine you’re pop star Pink. You’re about to go on stage and sing What About Us and all that. But you need that extra little pick me up before you go out in front of all your fans. What you need is to turn to your personal nipple pincher. You know, to give them a twist and perk ‘em up.
3. Lady Gaga’s night time cuddle buddy
You can’t rely on a disgruntled former employee for information about their boss. But according to Gaga’s ex-PA Jennifer O’Neill, as part of her job description, she had to sleep alongside her. Apparently Gaga didn’t like to sleep alone, but she also didn’t like to pay overtime. So her former assistant sued. Ouch.
4. Mark Wahlberg’s human alarm clock
If you’re anything like me, now you’re imagining somebody stood in the corner of Mark Wahlberg’s bedroom. Just staring at their watch all night. It reaches 7am and the start going “Beep, beep, beep, beep,” until he wakes up. The weird part is, this isn’t that far from the truth.
5. Mariah Carey’s… well, anybody around her
I know, Mariah is high maintenance? No way! She has an assistant who is only employed to follow her around carrying her drink for her. Apparently this person even shoves the straw into her mouth for her. At the same time, she also employed somebody who carried her long skirts, making sure they didn’t touch the floor. Like a permanent bridesmaid!
6. Rod Stewart’s crack team of expert room darkeners
Alright, fair enough. This one sounds pretty boss. Rod Stewart likes to be able to sleep perfectly in any hotel room he stays in. So apparently he requires every crack of sunlight to be sealed out. By any means necessary; curtains, blinds, gaffer tape, whatever! I would definitely do that if I was rich and famous.
7. Ceelo Green’s brow mopper
When he’s not being squeaky or a bad sex pest, CeeLo Green employs somebody to wipe sweat from his brow. Another job he pays somebody to do? Unwrap a piece of gum. Place it in Ceelo’s mouth. Yer wha.
8. Oprah’s professional underwear fitter
Oprah basically runs the world. She’s a step down from president, but about a hundred steps up from other celebrities. So she decided that she needs to look good right down to her underwear. Which is why she employs a professional bra fitter to have her boobs looking on point. She’s just out there living her best life at all times.
9. Nelly’s jewellery security guard
Nelly had nearly a million dollars worth of jewellery stolen off him once in Las Vegas. So that’s when he decided that stuff needed its own security! Sensible, but lavish!
10. Gwyneth Paltrow’s holistic therapy advisors
There’s a lot of things that Gwyneth Paltrow is known for. Being an actress. Marrying, then “consciously uncoupling” from Chris Martin. The other thing is being a pyaaa hippy. That’s why she apparently has twenty holistic advisors telling her what to eat! Fun!
11. Prince Charles’ professional undresser
No, I don’t mean a stripper. Prince Charles has a person who’s entire job is to undress him and put his clothes away. Thinking about it, somebody to yank your jeans off after a heavy night out would be boss. I know, the future king lives a life of luxury better than most celebrities?
12. Snoop Dogg’s personal roller
The D. O. Double-G employs somebody to do forward rolls for him? No, not that kind of rolling. Snoop is famous for his, you know, laid back attitude? So basically, the rapper has a member of his entourage who buys weed, rolls his spliffs for him and hands them to him. Cos you can’t go hanging around an Aldi car park waiting for a guy if you’re an international celebrity.
[Credit: Giphy] What’s the worst job that you’ve ever had, and how do these celebrities’ weird requests compare? Let me know with a comment, we can share in the misery!
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