In the 50’s and 60’s you couldn’t move for books and articles teaching you how to be a great housewife and act like a lady. What about today? We have nothing! No wonder the world is in turmoil. Fear not, we’ll have you all ladylike in no time with our handy 6 step guide…
The 6 steps to becoming a dead ladylike lady
How to dress in a ladylike way
Are you a woman? Do you wear clothes? Job done. Wear whatever you like. Wear whatever makes you happy. Are you tall? Short? Big assed? Flat chested? Disabled? Able bodied? WHATEVER bodied…..wear whatever you can afford, whatever you covet, whatever keeps you warm and snug or whatever makes you feel sexy. Dress to fit in or dress to stand out. Dress in designer, dress in Primarni. IT’S YOUR CHOICE! By the same token, don’t judge other women for what they wear, unless it’s crocs, then you’re permitted a slight snarl.
How to swear like a lady.
Swearing is not gender specific. Use whatever language you want. Personally I fucking love swearing, and have to remind myself to STFU daily. “Swearing isn’t ladylike” Fuck off.
Sexual etiquette for a lady
People, it’s the 21st century. Enough of these double standards where men can get away with it and women can’t…. Want to wait till there’s a ring on it? Do it. Want to fly through life on a wrecking ball, naked? Do that instead.
How to be a domestic goddess
How many times have you heard some prissy face office type on a night out saying a variation of these words:
“I can’t sit down unless the house is spotless. I do my windows twice a week, I’m proper OCD about mess me…”
For years and years I’ve been listening to this boring bollocks, and feeling crap about my own housework skills. Until I realised A) I don’t care, B) I don’t care and C) I DON’T CARE! Do groups of men have these conversations? Do they shite! Clean up after yourself. Ensure you are not a health hazard. Other than that, get a life and do better stuff than obsessing about tidy cupboards.
How to be ladylike when breastfeeding
Have breasts? Want to breastfeed your baby? Do it when and where you wish. Any bloke who reckons he’s uncomfortable with this is probably a fucking mummy’s boy who still wants “bitty”
How to have a ladylike career
Let’s bear in mind that while it DOES seem that having a tiny waist and a big massive arse is an actual job for a woman, there are other options; like literally any job in the world for example. So let’s continue to smash these gender stereotypes that restrict women, so our daughters don’t have to.