Scouse Bird Problems – Liverpool’s Undead population ‘still smashing the sunbeds’

Posted On: 23/08/2015

By: Carl Connor

Research conducted by the Birkenhead Occult Organisation (BOO) has found that the Living Impaired of Liverpool still regularly use tanning beds to improve their complexion.


Gabby, 465, from Garston, says that being a disembodied spirit is a mixed bag when it comes to tanning:

“It’s a bit hit and miss – On the one hand I can walk through walls to get in without paying; on the other, UV rays pass straight through me. On the bright side, I can’t get skin cancer cos I’ve got no skin”. 

Victoria, 329, from Vauxhall , feels similarly:

“Just because I’m a vampire, I’m expected to be pale – I’m not having that, I’m Scouse, I’m not going out unless I’m tanned up like David Dickinson. Plus I sparkle when I’m in sunlight so it saves me buying body glitter” 

Generally, the policies of Tanning Salons are ambivalent to Undead Patrons using their apparatus, providing patrons use tissues provided to clean up their ectoplasm after each use.

Hey birds and boys, just leave me your contact details and you won’t miss a single article I post XOXO

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