Your twenties are your selfish years; the decade you change careers at the drop of a hat, date different men and women, go to Thailand for a fortnight and ‘find yourself’ – all that shite. We’re not like our ma’s generation where they ended up married and burdened with 3 kids by the age of 25. Nah, we’re free to do whatever the hell we want. Sure, loads of us are living in our parent’s box rooms as we can’t afford houses and we’re all precious little snowflakes but our twenties are boss.
However, that’s not to say something new and shite doesn’t happen with each birthday as a millennial. Here’s everything you’ll have been through as the years rolled on and what you have to look forward to if you haven’t left your teens yet.
Twenty One
The big two one – key to the door and all that. You’re finally an adult.
But hold up. With a key to the door comes paying keep. If you’ve managed to blag a few adult years living at home rent free, 21 is normally the age your mum and dad get a bit tired of you spending all your doe on nights out and brunch and decide to have the gall to charge you 50 quid a week. Cheeky bastards. Your mum doesn’t even make bacon butties on a Sunday anymore these days. They’re getting a shite review on Trip Advisor.
Things are still pretty much okay though. It’s fifty quid a week and you still don’t have to worry about mundane things like council tax and remembering to buy toilet roll.
Twenty Two
Taylor Swift may sing about the joys of being 22 but she’s a ming who’s never right. What’s so good about 22? It’s such a meh age. If you’ve been at university than the real world blues post graduation really start kicking in as you realise your degree is worth fuck all and the economy is shite for getting a well paying job right now. If you’ve spent the last few years, not knowing what to do for the rest of your life, now the questions start rolling in. No longer can you say “Oh I don’t know what I want to do career wise tbh, I just know I didn’t want to waste money at uni so it’s better to be earning while I think about what I want to do”. Nope, it doesn’t cut it anymore. Overnight you suddenly need a detailed career plan. Be arsed.
I dunno about you but I’m feeling 22 and it’s fucking shit.
Twenty Three
Pretty similar to 22 but hangovers start needing more than a nap and a takeaway to get over. They’re not unbearable yet but two day benders become a bit harder.
Twenty Four
This is the year that weddings and babies that were actually planned start to make an appearance. You and your mates may still be swiping left at every sex case on Tinder but there’s always one in every group that has to get married early. You’ll start attending mates weddings and feel weird – you should be at the kid’s table with the other teens – not maid of honour and having to carry out adult duties. Madness.
Twenty Five
Your metabolism finally fucks off for good. You now have to start thinking about different food groups and become the wanker that has to be like ‘Oh wheat doesn’t agree with me’ even though it was only a few years ago you were eating Rustlers that you hadn’t even cooked for the recommended 90 seconds because you were pissed and impatient.
Twenty Six
The age you deactivate Facebook as it’s now got more baby and wedding news than your local newspaper’s announcement page. Probably will decide on a career change too that makes absolutely no sense. Basically you’re now in the wrong half of your twenties, hurtling fast towards the big three-uh oh and you still don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on with your life. Welcome to your quarter life crisis.
Twenty Seven
Chin hairs. Loads of them. Everywhere. You pluck one and three more appear. Like the Hydra (ancient Greek monster… it was in Disney’s Hercules ok?). This is the age when the ‘forever young’ rock stars die; Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix… is it really so bad to stay 27 forever? Can’t be coping with a full on beard by thirty two.
Twenty Eight
Hangovers now require a sit down shower, a valium and a 3 hour chat with the Samaritans. Ninety five per cent of your friends are in long term relationships, engaged, married or have at least one child. You don’t even have your own Netflix account.
Twenty Nine
“No, no babies yet” – something you say on repeat at every family function. You start panicking that actually you’ve only done about five things on the thirty things to do before you’re thirty list and start planning a manic year out travelling round Australia, which you can’t actually afford because you’re paying £800 for a cool loft apartment in the city.
Thirty
According to every celeb that’s ever turned 30 you find peace, love yourself and your body and you’ll be ecstatic that you’ve left the insecurities of your twenties behind blah blah. At the very least, you’ll hopefully have the disposable income to keep you in botox appointments and looking like you’re in your twenties still.
And finally, on a serious note…
I can’t promise major miracles or anything but my twenties weren’t the best. I was skint, I hated my job and my love life was THE WERST. Things really started changing for me when I started practising the law of attraction and using an attitude of gratitude. Now, I know if I want something or I want to do something, 99% of the time it’ll happen – I don’t even consider it to be spooky anymore, it just is how my life is. The way things are now is the complete opposite to how my life was in my twenties and I can honestly put that all on the shoulders of the law of attraction. If you don’t know where to start then the obvious ones to read are the secret and the power (you can find out more here about which I’d read first and for what purpose – the secret is even available as a film on netflix). Anyway, after practising this (and I say practise because it’s not easy at first) for about a year my life completely shifted and one of the things that helped me was keeping a gratitude journal which is why I designed my own, because I want to help other people feel better and do better. It’s just dead simple exercises to help you break the habit of negative thinking. You can get it here.
XOXO
