Scouse Bird Problems – The top 5 ways to smuggle vodka

Posted On: 16/04/2015

By: Scouse Bird

Handbag vodka, it’s long been a viable way to save a bit of cash on a night out. For example I pay the same on a night out now as I did 10 years ago, fuck you inflation. My most trusted friend was a tartan covered hipflask which I got off ebay or “Old Tartan” as I used to call him. RIP Old Tartan – lost on a night out many years ago never to be seen again.

Things have moved on a lot since then, not only have hipflasks gotten far better looking but a hell of a lot more stealthy. Here’s my five favourite flasks out at the moment.

The Lipflask

It’s a hipflask that looks like a lipstick, it’s amazing! I want it so bad! Available from Amazon for less than a tenner. Holds 125ml (or 5 shots) of vodka, whiskey, gin…whatever. There’s no limit to the amount of lipsticks a girl needs on a night out though right??

The Tampons

No bouncer is going to question these test tubes sneakily concealed in a tampon style wrapper. And who said time of the month was a bad thing? A pack of 5 will set you back less than £13 including delivery.

The Hairbrush

A girl always needs fabulous hair right? No one checking your bag is ever going to question that. Great hair is a basic human right! This’ll set you back about £20.

The phone

I’m not certain anyone will quite believe that you’re still rocking a Nokia from 1872 but it’s worth a try right?? And at 4 shots of vodka per time you go out, it pays for itself after a while. You can also try this in camera form.

The sun tan lotion

No booze by the pool unless bought from the overpriced hotel bar? No problem! Just get a bottle of vodka for a euro down the offy and drink away darlings. I think it’s actually cheaper than real suntan lotion too. Also available as hand sanitizer.


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