Posted On: 13/09/2012
So if you’re a girl i have almost no doubt you’ve gone around the block to allow pavement spectators to fuck off before you attempt to reverse parallel park.. Or park or reverse in general. I get a bad case of shame when I’m holding up the high street trying bleto ‘squeeze’ my tiny car into a space large enough for rooneys range rover. I just cannot judge distance, is it just me?! I also have two settings for driving down a road with the dreaded parked cars on my side.. Wing mirror swiping distance, or so far on the other side of the road people are waving their vile hands at me and im forced to scream OH CHILLL AAAAAUT. Id honestly rather go the long way and avoid such roads, the stress causes me to sweat up a storm on my top lip n ruin my perfectly painted on MAC concoction of foundation (at least 3 diff types) , i question how i passed my driving test every week.. If not every day.
Which brings me to my next point. FUCKING cyclists!!!! My accute rage for them stems from the fact they are complete arrogant mugs AND i am certain the reason im gonna get banged up and made some lesbo haired jail bird is cuz one day their gonna ignorantly wobble infront of me and im going to squash um dead cuz im far to busy flicking thru my ipod looking for a cool enough song to blast out my windows as the high street fast approaches. So yeah, their blatant disregard for the people in giant solid boxes of machinery pisses me off… Who do they think they are to run red lights and not stop at zebby crossings? Please don’t even get me started on when they wobble past your stationaty shiney new car on their ‘vintage’ rusty pile of crap. Do. Not. Touch. If you steady yourself using my bonnet.. I’ll give you a lift home ……. On my bonnet you cheeky cow.
I suppose i myself am a menace to the roads along with cyclists buses and mopeds with less power than my blowdryer (just get the bus cuz thats embarrassing mate) but im pretty sure getting arrested cuz i couldn’t wait till i was home to tweet about the latest story iv read on the mail online is worth it right?? RIGHT???!