You know your mum, she’s all like “Oh don’t worry about me love, you don’t have to get me anything.” But woe betide the person who hasn’t got their mum a prezzie come xmas morning. She ruined her vagina for you, show some god damn appreciation.
Xmas Gift Guide 2017: Your mum
If there’s one thing mums live for, it’s being mistaken for your sister instead of your mum (even if the barman is only angling for a tip). The foundation (or fountain) of youthful looking skin is of course collagen – something our body makes less of as we get older. The selfish bastard. One way we can help boost the skin (as I’ve spoken about here already) is plenty of fish oil – these daily sachets from Absolute Collagen contain 65% marine collagen and they give your skin that plumped up youthful glow. With the taste and texture of honey, they’re a dream to imbibe too. She gave you your daily bread so give her her daily slay – it’ll give her amazing hair and nails too.
Why she’ll love it: She can make like Cher and turn back time.
When it comes to vanity, your mum will gladly spend 6 months squinting and double tapping your Instagram trying to zoom in rather than admit she needs stronger reading glasses. Eyejusters have solved the problem. They’ve brought out fully adjustable reading glasses meaning that with just a quick twizz of the dial, you mum will be able to see perfectly in seconds, so you won’t have to sit there infuriated while she takes a full 8 minutes to read a 3 line tweet on your phone anymore. They come in a fab range of colours but the rose and burgundy is a definite winner.
Why she’ll love them: She’ll be able to see what an amazingly thoughtful offspring you’ve grown into.
It’s risky. This could go down like the time your dad got her an iron for her birthday in May and she wouldn’t speak to him until the end of September but bear with me. You can do all the nice smelly gift sets that she loves but if you want to get her something that’ll make her life easy all year round then the household gadget this year has got to be one of those rechargeable vacuums. The is a little cheaper than some of the big brands but it’s just as fab, just as sucky and just as portable.
Why she’ll love it: She can bang round doing the hoovering from 6am on Boxing Day while everyone is still nursing their hangovers and she won’t even need to unplug to change rooms.
If your ma is anything like mine, she’s cold all the time. Whether she’s outside at a family party, in the wilderness camping, on holiday in the med anytime after 9pm or in the living room when the heating’s been off for half an hour. Stop her moaning with the Gucci of the hand warmer world – the Zippo.
Why she’ll love it: She’s tired of coming out with the whole ‘Cold hands, warm heart’ line.
Bubbles are for life, not just for Xmas so at this time of year we have to make them extra special. Freixenet have brought out this absolutely stunning cut glass bottle of prosecco so while the real beauty is within those lovely sparkly bubbles – the outside is just as posh. Grab a bottle from Tesco.
Why she’ll love it: Mums practically invented a bottle of wine on a Friday and Saturday night.
A new hand bag
Mum’s love a new bag like we love fresh new stationery. There’s something therapeutic and symbolic about clearing out all the rubbish and crap and starting over. Gone are the days when you could just have a tiny leather handbag, it’s all about the big totes – so keep your mum up to date (but still with classic, good quality workmanship) with Gabor. It’s spacious, it looks good and there’s plenty of pockets for all her bits and bobs.
Why she’ll love it: She can feel all snazzy for the new year.