30 Things I wish I’d known in my twenties

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scouse bird things i wish i knew in my twenties

Your twenties are supposed to be all fun, responsibility free and ‘the best years of your life’ (although they did say that about school and that was shit). In your twenties, no one expects you to have it all figured out, no one expects you to settle down just yet and everyone expects you to be up for a good time. For the most part that’s true but your twenties can also be a time filled with self doubt, panic and worry for the future – but don’t worry too much, that all changes when you get to your thirties and chill the fuck out a bit.

scouse bird twenties wise thrities

30 Things I wish I’d known in my twenties

  1. Don’t waste your time on him. You know exactly what I’m talking about.
  2. You’re not as fat as you think you are. Trust me you’re going to get fatter. So, so much fatter. You are gorgeous – werk it.
  3. It’s absolutely fine not to have your boobs out in every outfit – yes they do draw the men in like a “2 crates for £20” offer at the Asda but maybe that’s why you keep ending up with the same kind of disappointing assholes that you always do. This isn’t a cliché but the type of man you should be with will be more attracted to your conversation skills, your amazing sense of humour and that dirty laugh of yours rather than seeing you as a pair of tits in a dress. Swear down, honest to god, not even messin.
  4. It’s not too late to do something different. Life is too short to spend every day clock watching from 9am to 5pm sharp. You deserve better than a job that makes you want to rip your fingernails off just for a bit of excitement.
  5. Also the general public are idiots, get out of customer services before you assault someone.
  6. If you don’t go for it, you’ll never know, so follow that dream.
  7. Learn to drive. It’s amazing.
  8. You can cope. No matter how bad the situation is, I swear something will happen soon that’s amazing and would never have happened if you weren’t in that shitty situation in the first place.
  9. Seriously, are you still wasting your time on him? Pack it in now. The course of true love DOES run smooth, Shakespeare was full of shit.
  10. Just because someone in work is older than you doesn’t mean they know better or are better – if you have a better idea, speak up about it.
  11. Know your worth – that applies to every part of your life btw.
  12. If you’re in the hairdressers and don’t like your hair – SPEAK UP.
  13. Learn how to be assertive, it’s very useful and commands respect.
  14. Have balls. If someone is pursuing you and you’re not feeling it, don’t just ignore their texts and hope they go away – TELL THEM. How horrible is it when someone does it to you? The hanging round and the not knowing where you stand is the worst feeling of all. Let them down, let them be a bit angry, let them go out and have 83 shots of tequila and let them forget about you and move on. Don’t be sly and leave them hanging.
  15. One layer of tan is enough.
  16. Just ask him out – the worst he can say is no. It’s 2017, it’s totally acceptable.
  17. Learn what suits your body shape.
  18. Invest in quality clothes rather than buying 10 things from the sale rack just because they’re cheap – you look like a bag of rags.
  19. Don’t cut in a fringe again. For fucks sake.
  20. Ditto, don’t get a bob.
  21. Don’t dye your hair black.
  22. If you’re blonde, please invest in silver shampoo.
  23. DO. NOT. SEND. NUDES.
  24. Learn how to handles your finances. If needs be have a ‘bills’ account and a ‘spending’ account so you don’t accidentally get your phone cut off.
  25. Save some money. Even a tenner a week.
  26. If you owe someone money, pay them back. Don’t go out to town and post a 2hr long snapchat story of you swigging champagne. Don’t be THAT person.
  27. Yes I know you get paid a week early at Xmas but you still don’t get paid again until the end of January so calm down and don’t spend it all on shit Xmas presents for people you hate.
  28. Regarding people you secretly hate or who secretly hate you – as James Bay sings ‘Nobody needs a best fake friend’ so don’t be afraid to dump a shitty mate the same as you’d dump a shitty fella.
  29. If I have to tell you one more time I swear to God – DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON HIM. You are categorically 100 % NOT going to be single forever. You’ve just got some boss babe-ing to do in the meantime and let’s face it, you’re easily distracted. Now is not the time.
  30. Enjoy it, stop worrying and stressing so much. And by the way, 30 is not the end of the world.

Enjoy dem twenties, but honestly, thirties are boss xx

scouse bird twenties thirties wise

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