Posted On: 22/09/2015
By: Georgia Aspinall
The new uni season is just around the corner which means people in their late teens and early twenties are going to be flung round every corner of the country. Whether you’ve just left uni altogether and you and your beau are suddenly back in your home towns or your high school sweetheart is studying in Leeds while you’re down South; long term relationships are hard and here’s what you’re gonna need to know to make them work.
The internet is FULL of dreary, depressing accounts of how it NEVER works out. This, I know from personal experience, happens to be the most ridiculous advice of all time (okay, maybe not ALL time). Yes, long distance is hard, costly and can be heart breaking but it’s certainly not doomed. We all learn tricks and tips for love longevity as we go along in any relationship and long distance is no different. However, it is important to go into it with your eyes wide open, and after almost two years with my Essex born beau, here are my five lessons and tips for all you long distance virgins:
Commitment is key
Long distance relationships are the hardest type of relationships. All the things you crave from your partner: intimacy, date nights, even just post shit-work-day bitches, they’re all made 100x harder to achieve in long distance. You might be able to talk on the phone 24/7 but you can’t always rely on a strong connection (thanks BT- making my life frustrating since 2013) leading to a lot of “OMG I CANT HEAR YOU! STOP REPEATING YOURSELF! WHAT ARE YOU PLAYIN’ AT SPEAK NORMAL!” – Us scouse birds aren’t exactly known for being even tempered. Therefore, you will undoubtedly face a lot of unnecessary arguments as the frustration, boredom and a lack of face to face conversation eats you up. In the face of this, you need to be 100% committed to making it work. One thing I’ve learnt? Texting arguments are SO much more damaging than face to face ones. They last longer, every comment becomes an essay and you can’t see each other’s real reactions making everything that bit more hostile; basically, it’s a mess.
You’ll develop two different personalities
Home girlfriend and away girlfriend. Just like LFC, you always play better at home. This is one important thing to grab hold of early, make sure you both like who you are in person and who you are over the phone because they inevitably become two completely different people. When apart, you both return to being those independent people you were before. This may be just me, but when I’m home in Liverpool surrounded by my amazing scouse mates, I become a tad more ‘IM NOT STANDING FOR HIS SHIT ANYMORE’, this has both positive and negative effects. Whilst you may feel like you’re regaining power, you tend to not let the little things go in an effort to prove a point. This is one of those weird lessons I’ve only started to realise happens two years in, so keep an eye out for this cheeky shit.
Sexting is BOSS
I am by no means saying you NEED sexting to maintain a long distance relationship so if you’re not comfortable with it don’t let him/her pressure you. That being said, if you are into it, it can be a fun way to keep that spark alive. Just like my babe Jennifer Lawrence said, if you’re in a loving and healthy relationship there is NO SHAME in spicing up your long distance love life. Just make sure you trust your fella 100%, cause no one wants to end up on Anna Richardson’s latest documentary- I’M TALKING TO 100 GIRLS. Also, maybe don’t send them when he’s on a night out with his mates – that is unless you’re sound with them having a cheeky peek. In fact, that’s not even a maybe, JUST DON’T. No fella can be trusted with a cheeky sext when he’s downed ten Jagerbombs and his mates are lurching around like begs.
Maintain the romance
Not having intimacy when your apart is definitely the most heart breaking parts of long distance. Not only that, it’s one sure fire way to lose your connection altogether. I recently went through a major non-stop bickering phase with my boyfriend and even when we were finally reunited the arguments continued. There was no reason for it at all, we were both just moody bastards. What I came to realise, is that without having that closeness, the love can slowly begin to fade without you even noticing. It was only after we spent some time being romantic (aka cringy shits) that we stopped arguing and remembered why we were doing this in the first place. It’s important to keep that romance alive, whether it’s by cute little gifts or surprise visits or long skype sessions watching your favourite TV show.
Without trust, it will all go to shit
And I mean ONE HUNDRED PERCENT he-is-definitely-not-flirting-with-that-slag-from-his-work trust. Without it, your time apart will be filled with doubts, spying and most definitely arguments. Day to day frustrations can be hard enough without fears of unfaithfulness turning you both into psychos. If there’s one thing those morbid internet blogs are right about, it’s that a long distance relationship without trust is doomed. But that applies to any relationship really.
I may have made long distance relationships sound ridiculously depressing, but if I can be clear about anything, it’s that it can work if you want it to. It takes dedication and the time apart is hard but honestly, the time together after weeks and months missing each other is well worth it. Also, it doesn’t take long before you’re used to being apart and it becomes your version of normal. If anything, as the years go by it just keeps the relationship interesting for that much longer! Even better, that time apart becomes time for YOU to do what YOU want and follow your own aspirations outside of your relationship. I wouldn’t swap my long distance relationship for the world, and if me and my fella can make it work… ANYONE CAN!
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