Liverpool's Loveliest Loos – The Best Bogs On A Night Out | Scouse Bird Problems

Now, this might seem like a bit of a weird thing to write an article about but hear me out. Picture this: you’re on a night out, maybe you’ve been for a bite to eat or perhaps just a couple of drinks somewhere in town, either way, you’re having a blast with your mates when disaster strikes. You’re happily trying to find the toilets in the establishment you’re inside when you remember that six G and T’s earlier you encased yourself inside an incredibly gorgeous yet horrifically elaborate playsuit. Your bathroom break is no longer a matter of mere biology, but an (easily) two-man fete of patience, perseverance and perspiration. A poxy one-berth cubicle won’t do for a task of such magnitude: you need a space where you and your BFF can spread out and get comfy. Or, maybe I’m being dramatic. You might just be nosey and like a swanky bathroom in a gaff in town. You might’ve committed to an evening of dark red lippy that requires excellent bathroom mirror lighting for the upkeep of your rouge noir pout. Whatever your circumstance, you need my checklist of the top Liverpool lavatories in your arsenal, because you never know when you’ll need to retire to a club bathroom for an emergency gossip with your bestie.

Seel Street’s not-so-secret speakeasy, 81LTD, houses a pair of cramped cubicles, with tiny sinks and no chance of loo roll after 2am but there’s one very important reason why they’ve made the cut: The selfie lighting is top notch. Want a soft-focused profile picture with no hint of iPhone filter? 81’s bathroom lighting can help you achieve a dewy and somewhat natural haze so that your pictures look effortless yet flawless. It sounds jarg, but you’ll thank me later.

Tabac’s bathroom takes the phrase ‘shabby chic’ to the absolute max. And as there’s only one ladies’ room, queueing can get in the bin *palm emoji*. BUT it’s spacious and could easily cater to a gaggle of girls at varying degrees of falling-over-drunk with room to spare. Stop off for a wee here if you need a good sit down and a natter whilst members of your group primp and powder. But be warned: there’s only one communal mirror so this is NOT, repeat NOT, the place to reapply winged eyeliner.

Now Frederiks is what my Nan would describe as ‘cosmopolitan’. They have vegan food on the menu and sometimes have jazz nights in the back room so you know they’re well cultured. I’d recommend a visit to Frederiks for a drink at the bar if you’re up Hardman Street way because their cocktails are gorgeous. And if you should happen to use the facilities here you’ll find that each toilet is its own self-contained bathroom with sink and hand dryer so it’s like having a comfortable little wee stop in your own home, except, like, you’re not.

New kids on the block, Red Door on Liverpool’s buzzing Berry Street have struck a balance between sit-down-chinwag-with-your-mates vibes and proper-rowdy-nightclub (on a Saturday night especially). These loos are pretty standard, but the décor is gorgeous – it’s all mosaic newspaper clippings that’ll look great in the background of your ‘love this one the world’ best-mate Instagram post. Plus, they’re down a flight of stairs so if a gang of rowdy girls are giving it beans dancing to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ by the bar you can steal a minute to hear yourself think in Red Door’s downstairs loos.

Short of the food and cocktails being top notch in Slim’s Porkchop’s Asian fusion restaurant, the bathroom experience is equally lovely. Once again, if you’re a fan of a private hand dryer/sink combo then you’re in for a treat. They also have a really cool pump action sink just outside the door that’s fun to have a go on when you’re a few cocktails into the night.

Mr Miyagi’s downstairs bathroom is the best kept secret of Liverpool’s lav scene (yes, there is such a thing, don’t be tight). First of all, there’s enough room to swing a clutch bag, or your bezzie, which is a good start. There’s also a gold dressing table, with multiple mirrors, drawers (for what? I don’t know either but it’s boss), a basket of flannels and a seat, as well as the porcelain throne itself. Check your liner, top up your tan, tong your bloody hair, the lot in this absolute boudoir of a bathroom. The absolute legends at Miyagi’s have also put in a full length mirror so you can check yourself out before you leave with loo roll stuck to your shoes/lippy on your teeth. Trust me, stop at Miyagi’s for the sushi, (or the ramen, or the cocktails, or the chocolate spring rolls or the…) but stay for a trip to the restrooms. They won’t disappoint.



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