Scouse Bird Problems – New Year New Positivity

Posted On: 03/01/2015

By: Zoe Delaney

I’m beginning to worry that I have certain views purely to be a dickhead – I don’t love nor hate marmite, I got bored watching Frozen and I find Tom from McFly’s alleged romantic gestures (all those cute YouTube videos and all that) nauseating. However, finally, I find myself with an unconventional opinion that I can actually defend – January is actually a pretty decent month. This year I’m not buying into the whole ‘January blues’ theory and here’s why:


This year I haven’t seen a single ‘New Year, New Me’ shout on social media. I have however, seen plenty of generic, copy and pasted ‘jokes’ mocking those who make resolutions. Funny, guys – real funny. Okay, so no one has ever cited their success as being down to a new year’s resolution they made and everything magically falling into place from 1st January onwards. No, writing a different date won’t have any impact on your life but don’t let anyone make you feel basic for setting yourself a few goals and aims to improve your life. It’s natural to start a health regime after a couple of weeks of stuffing your face and swapping brews for mulled wine, and everyone is a bit more motivated towards their career after a bit of time off – you can make a vow to change your life on any day, at any time, but there’s no better month for it than January; plenty of other people are in the same boat and it’s a time period that has a positive attitude towards change.

Personally, I’m going to aim to read more and actually answer my mother’s phone calls.

Everyone is fat

As someone who excessively eats and drinks all year round, I don’t carry any Christmas weight – I’m just chubby all the time. The best thing about January is that everyone has let themselves go a bit (apart from those ‘clean eaters’ who spent Christmas Day boring us with pictures of Brussel sprout smoothies and what not). You can blame the fact your jeans don’t zip up on the fact it’s ‘just after Christmas’ and you’ll get sympathy off people who can relate to your struggle, rather than someone pointing out that the jeans haven’t fit you for two years.

New diaries

Call me sad (actually, please don’t – I have low self-esteem) but starting a new diary is one of the greatest pleasures in life. There are few things more satisfying than the first few fresh pages of an organiser. I’m that pathetic that I have two; a calendar year one and an academic one. (Ok, now you can call me sad.)

End of Christmas

It’s the most wonderful time of the year is it? Doesn’t feel like it when you’re two hours into an argument with your fake Aunty’s 2nd husband about whether they should bring back fox hunting or not.  Christmas can be tense. Well done if you managed to get through the festive period without at least one minor breakdown – you’re better at life than me.

We’re no longer staying over in our childhood bedrooms and having booze and chocolate for breakfast and, call me crazy, I’m actually glad. Normality is needed sometimes.

Good TV

Christmas TV is crap. I said it. There’s some kind of idea that just because December’s issue of the TV Times is a bumper edition, we get better TV, but let’s be honest, re runs of Only Fools & Horses and Christmas specials of Miranda and Mrs Brown’s boys are enough to make you wonder why you pay your licence fee. January sees plenty of quality programmes returning, and starting, and also, Friends comes to Netflix. It’s a real shame it’s only available in America and you’d have to get a US DNS code for your iPad or something like – I’m sure none of you would do that.

Things cheap to do socially

Sure, everyone is strapped for cash after the most expensive month of the year but some of us are skint all year round and this brings us so much joy for two reasons.

1) It’s nice to hear your richer friends having to say ‘Sorry, I can’t – I’ve no cash” for a change.

2) Eating and drinking out is so much cheaper. Restaurants and bars offer deals and discounts to lure everyone in and those us of paid weekly shit wages will relish the chance to go to places we normally can’t justify splashing out on. A nice change to meeting for drinks in venues that smell like piss and desperation.

So stop feeling sorry for yourself and start feeling happy that January is here. It’s time for a fresh start.

Follow Zoe on twitter here.

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