Deep down, I think everyone’s biggest fear is looking weak. We have this preconception that we always have to have the upper hand, no matter what situation we’re in. Whether it be who has the last word in an argument, or giving a second chance; looking weak makes you feel vulnerable. I’m gonna throw a little quote in that the dead wise Gandhi once said:
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”.
We live in a world of cynicism and judgement, but at the end of the day it’s only really yourself who can control your own happiness and decide what your attitude towards second chances and forgiveness is. You do you, boo boo.
Let’s say you’ve opened your heart to someone and they’ve let you down. Maybe they’ve done a complete and utter Wham on you and when you’ve given them your heart, they given it away – the very next day. It’s so bloody rude. On the one hand, maybe they’re a lying, cheating scumbag whose soul cannot be saved but on the other hand, maybe it was a right place wrong time scenario and they deserve another chance at another time? Sometimes someone can enter into a relationship with you with all the best intentions but you end up being a rebound because they’re not ready to love again (here’s several ways to spot if you’re in danger of becoming a rebound FYI). If someone is begging for another chance then only you know if you can open up your heart again and lay your trust and pride on the line. Which leads me wonderfully into my first point…
Trust Your Own Judgement
I’ve learned that the worst thing you can do is let other people cloud your judgement, even if they have your best interests at heart. One of my biggest flaws is that I constantly go to other people for advice on my life rather than figuring out what it is I actually want. I’ve always let other people make my decisions for me and wondered why I’ve ended up miserable. Maybe it’s because I’m not living my own life. I’ve recently made my own decision against EVERYONE’S advice to give someone a second chance, and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. I feel like I’ve had a massive positivity makeover and I’ve got no hate in my heart. The point I’m trying to make is that it’s absolutely ok to give someone a second chance after you’ve been hurt. It doesn’t mean you’re a mug or you’re stupid, it means you’re strong. It’s amazing how different chapter 2 of my relationship is and it’s mostly because I’m following my own heart and judgement.
Let’s be honest, how often is it that you nail something the first try? Practice makes perfect. There’s nothing more frustrating than making a mistake and not being allowed to rectify it. I’m not saying everyone deserves a second chance – because they certainly don’t – but if you don’t try you’ll never know. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” There’s nothing wrong with being open to the good possibilities as long as you go into a second chance with both eyes open and be equally prepared for it to work out as for it to not work out.
The decision to give a second chance didn’t come easily. I was scared of being hurt again obviously and even though I used my amazing gratitude journal to focus my thoughts and help me on a path to ‘recovery’ from a broken heart, some days I still found that I was sat staring at my gratitude journal every day with a big chip on my shoulder. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean what the person did was ok, but it does mean you can accept it’s happened, move on from it and focus on the future and that’s really what’s at the core of second chances and forgiveness.
F5 Your Life
Don’t cheat yourself from seeing what a second chance can offer. Sometimes it takes losing someone to realise what you had, so if there’s a possibility to hit the refresh button, go for it. Where would you be today without all the second chances you’ve been given? Circumstances change and people change. Always trust your own judgement when it comes to second chances and forgiveness, you might surprise yourself.