Scouse Bird Problems – Spain: Ibiza, Is It Still Survivable When You're Nearing 30?

As I get older, my annual trip to Ibiza gets shorter and shorter. Mainly because my body rejects hangovers like an unwanted kidney transplant. This year, I opted for a 4 day solution to get my summer Ibiza fix. I’m still (just) the right side of 30, therefore 4 days, I thought, won’t be a problem at all!

We set off on a night flight from Manchester to the white isle. Less said about that flight the better! But, anyway… here’s my top tips for cramming as much into 4 days as possible… Did I last the duration? Read on…


Day 1 – Ocean Beach Ibiza

A holiday to Ibiza wouldn’t be complete without a day at Ocean Beach. Booked well in advance, our bed for 6 set us back around €850. The best thing about the price of the beds at Ocean Beach is that the cover cost is only €50, therefore we had €800 to spend on drinks and food. We got to Ocean Beach at around 3-4pm. At this point the party was practically in full swing. The event was Sin Sunday’s, so Scousers everywhere was the order of the day. Tall Scousers, short Scousers, tanned Scousers, white Scousers, Scousers covered in glitter… You get the picture.

The host guides you over to your reserved bed and takes your order. Straight away we opted for 2 platters, one Mexican and one Thai. Don’t do what everyone else does at Ocean Beach and dive straight in for champagne. The platters are not to be missed and get you off to a great start! Drinks then flow all day, dancers dangle from overhead wires and DJ’s play the best in house, bit of old school funky house and the latest mixes, even Jet Man made an appearance. For those of you who don’t know who Jet Man is, he basically propels himself above water on a superman style jet pack. Is there anything better in life than drinking in the sun whilst watching Jet Man do somersaults? Probably. But it was close to summer heaven.

Ocean Beach runs all day throughout the summer, ’til around midnight, with a different event each day, so caters for all different tastes in music. Once the day is over, you can now take a short stumble across to Ocean’s late night bar, Pearl, which will take you through to the early hours.

3am finish it was that night… It had been a long day!

Day 2 – Café Mambo’s and Pacha

Day 2 consisted of the usual summer holiday hangover plan… Sleep, sun and a bomb into the pool first thing to blow the cobwebs away. This year we travelled in August, therefore the temperatures were ridiculously high, touching 40c at some points throughout the day. Earlier or later in the season can usually be a bit more comfortable weather wise.

As night time falls, there is only one place to go… Mambo’s sunset. For those of you who haven’t been to see the sunset at Mambo’s, put it on your bucket list now. For those of you who have, it’s probably already on your ‘must do again’ list. Plenty of people take their own drinks and head down to the rocky area in front of Mambo’s, however, as we were only in Ibiza for 4 days we opted to do it properly and book a bay front table for food. Mambo’s books up really quick, however a top tip is to eat at the adjoining Mint Lounge. Mint share the boardwalk with Mambo’s so you get exactly the same view, same great atmosphere and good quality food. A bay front table comes with a €50 minimum spend per person. One you’ve had a couple of courses and few bottles of wine this easily covers this. If I could recommend one thing to do in Ibiza, the sunset would be it. Don’t miss it.

After food, we travelled over to Pacha. Sadly, by bus. If you are a bus snob like me, opt for a taxi. That way no one can annoy you, and the taxi will more than likely allow you to have a drink on the way. Drinks on the bus are banned. Oh well.

The night we headed to Pacha, Steve Aoki was on the decks. Pacha was expensive (the usual €50/60 entrance fee and extortionate drinks prices), crammed to the rafters and has extremely rude bar staff. If you can get over these negatives then you will have a good night. Steve Aoki’s set was enough to make your night a good one. A few classics thrown in by Oasis and The Lion King were a surprise but made for plenty of singing along in between a few fist pumps.

5am finish…

Day 3 – Hard Rock Hotel Pool Party and Disclosure at Amnesia (well… sort of)

Day 3 only allowed us a few hours in the Mediterranean sun before we headed over to Bora Bora for Tinie Tempah’s Pool Party with Special guest Snoop Dogg (€60 ticket fee). This turned out to be one of the best days ever. Maybe ever is an over statement. But it was a great day. On entering the pool party, a top tip is to locate yourself right in front of the bar with the DJ’s on top. Here you have easy access to drinks, sunken tables and chairs within the pool to keep you cool and a good view of the DJ’s and any guests.

We spent all day here, crunking to a bit of RnB and the usual Ibiza house music. The pool party does get a bit crazy so expect to be hit over the head by inflatable crocodiles, and soaked to death when ‘Turn Down for What’ blasts out. Snoop Dogg miming and faking to DJ didn’t put a dampener on this day at all. The only downside was the fact that the sun practically burnt my head off. When the event finished, around 10pm, I was ready for bed. I diagnosed myself with a severe case of sunstroke and called it a night with 3 hot wings from KFC. Sorry Amnesia… I’m flagging.

Bed time… 11.30pm (at a push).


Day 4 – Ushuaia and Sankeys

Oh what a beautiful morningggggg. OK, I didn’t have sunstroke, I may have been a bit dramatic. My burnt head was fine, and the early night meant that I was up early and at breakfast to everyone else’s hungover annoyance. Another few hours in the Ibiza sun meant that my tan was looking good and I was ready for the final night of the holiday. Again, we jumped a taxi over to Playa d’en Bossa and had some food at Ibiza Rocks Café. The portions here are massive! With a good lining on my stomach and a Spanish sized Absolut vodka and lemonade down me, it was party time.

It was Axwell and Ingrosso’s night at Ushuaia with the usual €50-60 ticket fee and extortionate drinks. But get used to it, you’re in Ibiza. Top tip for Ushuaia is to head straight for the back. The back bar is one of the biggest and quickest to get served at. Stock up with a couple of drinks each and use the toilet whilst you are nearby! The bars in the middle, near the pool are absolutely rammed and your enjoyment of the night will nose dive when you’ve been waiting 2 hours for a drink. All stocked up and good to go, look out for any palm trees in the venue. For those of you who haven’t been to Ushuiaia before, it is all outside. At the base of each palm tree is usually a good podium where you get a bird’s eye view of the delights that will unfold before you. We clambered onto the highest podium and guarded it with our lives! Axwell and Ingrosso put on their usual good set with commercial house being the order of the day, fireworks, pyrotechnics, lasers and a girl flying in across the pool like Tinkerbell does at Disney World. It was the best way to spend the last day.

After Ushuaia we managed to get free entry to Sankey’s before 1pm. This wasn’t planned; however keep an eye out for people giving wristbands out as you exit Ushuaia. These are well worth it and will save you €40 or so. Sankey’s doesn’t really kick in ’til a bit later, however the upstairs outdoor terrace is a great area to get a drink, fresh air and reminisce about the past 4 days. The music policy at Sankey’s is usually deep, dirty house so if you are a fan of a lyric, whilst pointing at your mates and belting out ‘show me love’, be warned. However, Gorgon City were DJ’ing on the night we went. Therefore every now and again, they threw in the odd lyric song which made a good balance to the deep house tunes. With an early start the next day (7am) to get my flight; I headed off at 4.30am to get a couple of hours sleep.

So, I practically lasted 3 nights out of the 4. Good effort? I think so. Well done me.

Longer Trip Tips

If you are younger than I am or can generally last the pace better, a longer trip to Ibiza will definitely be up your street where you can cram in a lot more than I did in 4 days. Here’s my top 5 tips for a longer trip:

1. Hed Kandi @ Es Paradis

2. Cream @ Amnesia

3. The Zoo Project

4. Pukka Up Boat Party

5. Bora Bora beach / Jet Apartments all dayer


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