Scouse Bird Problems – The Perrie and Zayn Split: What Can We Learn?

Unless you’ve been hiding under a social media free rock for the past few weeks, you’ll be well aware that ‘tween golden couple’ Perrie Edwards (Little Mix) and Zayn Malik (ex- One Direction) have just hit Splitsville.

It wasn’t a huge shock. He’s been trapped in a car-crash level, downwards spiral for a while; getting snapped with a suspicious looking ciggie, dipping his dick elsewhere, growing his greasy hair, wearing roll-neck sweaters, leaving the band, then shaving his head and dying it green. It was only a matter of time before he fucked up the last good thing going for him; the absolute babe that is Perrie. Way to have a Britney 2007 style meltdown Zayn.

We don’t know all the details of their relationship but from an outsiders point of view it sure seems like a classic case of a young lad getting an inch of freedom and taking a mile of it – leaving Perrie scratching her head and wondering if she could have done something different.

Social media is the biggest relationship killer nowadays, it’s all fun and games being on Facebook, but you aren’t laughing when you’re having a riot over that slag commenting on his new profile picture. It’s rare for any couple these days not to have had at least one argument over each others social media habits. It’s even worse when two people split up, because the gloves come off and any chance of sorting things out goes right out of the window. Both parties take to social media to have a snide stab at their ex. Whether it’s tweeting song lyrics “Never mind, I’ll find someone like you, I wish nothing but a limp dick for you too” or posting inspirational quotes all over Instagram it seems that celebs are no different. First Perrie deleted all her Insta pics with Zayn on, then Zayn retweeted a tweet in support of a rival girl band called Fifth Harmony, suggesting that they have a better single than Little Mix – it’s all so passive aggressive.

Which is the better single? Retweet – ‘Worth It’ by Fifth Harmony. Favorite – ‘Black Magic’ by Little Mix.

— Shady Music Facts (@musicnews_shade) August 14, 2015

Zayn retweeted the above tweet – the sly little shit

While Zayn has to find his way in life on his own now because he binned his squad off, Perrie still has her Little Mix girls to her through what will probably be her first real heartbreak. Friends are very important when you split up with someone, good friends will tell you that “You don’t need him anyway, you can do better”, but best friends will let you work out your feelings while you’re dancing with one shoe on around the pole in Popworld to “Dirrty” by Christina Aguilera, and be there when you’re crying outside Kebabylon with donner meat all down your dress because they know you need to adjust to being newly single.

If you’ve seen any pictures of Perrie since her break up, you’ll know that she isn’t letting this breakup make her look shit; if anything she’s looking extra fit. If we can learn anything from her, it’s that after a break up we don’t need to hide away at home crying into a 12 inch pizza with fried chicken wings, chips and a bottle of coke in our exes old t-shirts.

 Here are some Little Mix Little Tips to survive in life and on social media while you go through your breakup

1. If it’s clearly obvious someone is having a bit of a meltdown and they’ve binned you off, let them crack on, you are way too fit for that shit! All you can do is let them ride it out, they need to work on loving themselves before they should share their love with someone else.

2. While your scruffs do sound appealing, never be seen in public looking less than a 7; if you do, you’ll bump into everyone connected to your ex and they’ll go and tell him how rough you looked. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

3. Get pissed up with the girls and just have a good time. It doesn’t matter if you drink too much and make a twat of yourself, it’s all part of the healing process. Just make sure you get rid of your exes number out of your phone before you decide to drink those extra six doubles.

4. Post on social media if you must, but don’t cry when he deletes you and possibly blocks you because he can’t cope with you sharing anymore relatable quote memes. Even if you find the most perfect scathing quote there ever was, the reality is, he probably just doesn’t give a shit.

5. Do share all those relatable quote memes that Scouse Bird and Jane Blonde post, you’ll feel ten times better because they’ll make you piss and laughter is always the best medicine.

6. Post selfies by all means, but make sure you post other stuff too. If you keep posting selfies, everyone will think you’re desperate as well as knowing you’re single. Your exes mates will always have a nose at what you’re up to now, so give them something to talk about. If that means getting in a pic with some random lad on a night out, do it.

7. You know you’ll keep on stalking his wall and tweets so to save yourself the heartbreak when you see he has become friends with Titty McSlaggyFlaps and just block him. Besides, even though you’ve blocked him, your friends will always investigate on your behalf and give you a heads up on any interesting developments.

8. Enjoy your freedom and do things that make you happy. It won’t be long before you fall head over heels for the next irrelevant gobshite after all.


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