Scouse Bird Problems – Ship & Mitre – the ideal first date destination

Posted On: 26/01/2014

By: Scouse Bird

I know what you’re thinking, “The Ship & Mitre” isn’t exactly where you’d expect to find a Scouse Bird in her natural habitat, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

First of all it’s one of the few places in town where you can reliably get cherry beer which is possibly one of the nicest drinks going, and they serve it on draft. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been made up to find a place that serves it and then every subsequent visit they never have it (I’m talking to you Bierkeller and Tavern On The Green). The Ship & Mitre never lets me down.

Secondly, it’s the absolute perfect place to take someone (read as: get someone to take you) on a first date. I know you’re sitting there snarling thinking “What about San Carlo though??” but hear me out; the ladies toilets are right next to the exit. I went on a horrendous first date there once and bailed and since then it’s been the official Scouse Bird endorsed first date (especially of the blind variety) destination.

Let me take you back in time a couple of years. It was an internet date. All internet dates I’ve ever encountered have been worryingly strange, BUT, like an on-off relationship, you keep going back hoping that you can work it out, that things will be different this time. But no.

The lad in question had a grin that made Julia Roberts smile look like a cat’s arsehole. It was fucking huge. He looked like the Joker every time he smiled and it FREAKED. ME. OUT. Making small talk with him, he got all shady when I asked him what job he had. He wouldn’t tell me. Now you should never refuse to tell me something because it absolutely drives me mad. I need to know things. I have a natural curiosity. This guy was making out like he was some sort of mafia boss. I eventually got it out of him that he owned a cafe and had purchased the fridges for it illegally. What an anti-climax. He then told me how some smack-head used to come into the cafe every day and buy her toddler a Twix for breakfast. One morning, for a laugh apparently, he locked the child in one of the glass front fridges for an hour. I hope it wasn’t switched on at the time, I really do. He then went the bar in the Ship & Mitre and came back with a ridiculous amount of jelly sweets which they sell above the bar. He then stuffed every last one in his mouth – without explanation. I went the bogs and did a runner. Fuck that.

Luckily on subsequent dates to the Ship I haven’t had cause to leg it but I did deviate once and went somewhere else and my god did I wish I could make a swift exit. You’ve got plenty of time for San Carlo and the likes on subsequent dates, plus the suggestion of such a low-key first date destination will lull him into a false sense of security that you’re not a high maintenance ‘prinny’. Muahahaha, guess again lad.

– Originally published at:


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