Scouse Bird Problems – Liverpool: Couples Spa Day

Posted On: 30/10/2014

By: Scouse Bird

I often get requests from followers to help them out with recommendations on where’s the best place to go for certain things like hair, make up, a place to stay etc but I had one last month that left me stumped. Where’s the best place to go for a couples spa day?

No longer are we in the age where men have to be dragged kicking and screaming for a bit of a pamper lest their masculinity be dragged through the mud and besmurched by the fact that maybe, yeah, they DID enjoy that manicure that time, and wha??

I looked into a few places around the local area, even scouring as far afield as Southport but nowhere came with as many glowing recommendations as The House beauty spa in Childwall, so called because it’s set in a massive house. We went to check it out…

Upon arrival I was taken aback by the beauty of the waiting room situated in ‘the orangerie’ which I believe is posh for ‘the conservatory’. I mean conservatories are pretty posh anyway so imagine how posh it has to be to be called an orangerie. Think shabby chic meets Marie Antoinette’s boudoir. We went on a particularly rainy day but they have a beautiful garden which would be stunning to sit out in during the summer months. Well, this is England so the summer ‘week and a half’ anyway.

We had the couples aromatherapy full body massage followed straight on by the state of the art Guinot facial. Some strange fit bird had her hands all over my fella making him moan with pleasure but once I’d made a mental note to burn her car out and castrate him when we got home I was able to relax into my treatment. I tend to get back pain because I do a lot of writing and I’m always hunched over a computer so the back portion was paricularly fantastic for me. They give you a questionnaire to fill out first asking you what problems, if any, you’re having at the moment –  physical or mental. They then give you a choice of 3 aromatherapy smells to choose from and explain that your body is extremely likely to be drawn to the smell it most requires. Rebecca and Amy our masseuses (what is the plural for masseuse? massi, a herd of massi, a gaggle of masseuses??) told us an anecdote of a girl who’d been having stomach problems and was drawn to the exact scent which is used to treat stomach issues… weird or what?? They’re one of the only salons in the area to be trained in this.

The facial was fantastic and my skin was actually glowing afterwards. It involved a deep cleanse, radio frequency treastment, masques and several moisturising steps – they even got right down and dirty and squeezed a few spots under their special light. The whole treatment took about 2.5 hours so make sure you go for a wee first!

a handy post massage questionnaire for your fella if he ever goes for a massage anywhere. copyright Crank Industries Ltd™

Obviously none of the above applies to The House – they’re a reputable business who will not touch your fella up inappropriately in anyway. But the answer to 1 and 2 are probably yes as all the girls are gorgeous.

After our treatment, lunch was served in the orangerie (proper love that word now) – chicken salad sandwich and champagne darling. We were feeling pretty posh at this point, at least 12th in line to the throne.

It was then time for our in tandem manicure and pedicure where once again that fit bird got to pamper my fella. I took great delight in sending snapchats to his mates of him loving his treatments. He was mildly fuming but by the end was all like “I don’t care, I love it all. ALL!”

The pedicures were done in big squashy massage chairs so once again our backs had a good going over.

We were in the spa all day from 11am until about 5pm and as we had ‘the works’ so to speak it cost around the £400 mark. Treatments in there start from around the £10-15 mark for shellac and waxes etc so you can get a taste of the posh life for next to no money at all. They also have special offer days all the time where you can get spa treatments from around the £40 mark. Either way they get the big thumbs up from me and I would definitely recommend.

Here’s what my fella had to say on the matter: I didn’t even fancy that bird. My bird is the most beautiful person in the whole wide world and even Michelle Keegan would get legged if she tried to come onto me in a bar. My bird also does definitely not have a nut cracker placed carefully around my “nuts” as I’m typing this. The House spa day was boss.

Follow The House on twitter or visit their website for more info on special offers etc.


Scouse Bird

Other articles you might like:

Girl spa weekend in Birmingham

3d lipo – freeze that fat

Brazilian waxing – takes no chances with down under 

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