Scouse Bird Problems – Spain: Benidorm: The Land That Inflation Forgot

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Posted On: 28/04/2015

By: Scouse Bird

Benidorm is boss – and here’s why: 

  • It’s like England with sun. If you just want a break away from the daily grind of the 9-5 with a bit of sun and every home comfort you could possibly imagine then this is the place for you. Everyone speaks English because everyone basically is English. It’s the only place I’ve ever been with more British pubs than Irish ones. It goes so much further than just the obligatory Red Lion – and of course there is actually a Red Lion.
  • It’s cheap. Seriously cheap. It’s like Thailand cheap but without having to travel for 36hrs to get there. The last time I came to Benidorm was over 10 years ago and the prices haven’t changed, it’s like the land that inflation forgot. The local bars and restaurants must be dying to put their prices up but I think it’s a waiting game of ‘who blinks first’ – whoever goes first is gonna lose business. Expect to pay about €3 for a full english breakfast and less than €2 a drink.
  • The measures are like at home measures. I don’t mean at home England measures, I mean at home in your house ‘pour me a quadruple vodka’ measures. The drinks are cheap here and the drinks are strong.
  • It’s busy pretty much as soon as the sun starts, you’ll always find a good atmosphere in the bars and clubs.Can someone tell me why a bar is using the Liverpool John Lennon Airport logo? It’s not even called ‘Lennons’ or anything 
  • I’m going to revisit the cheap thing again. Pack light on your way over here because the local supermercado sells 1.5 litres of Smirnoff for about £10.
  • Most hotels are right on one of two, count em, two beaches – which by the way are much cleaner than last time I came. Well done Benidorm!
  • It’s home to the infamous Sticky Vicky; if you have never seen an elderly woman, naked, pulling a string of razor blades from her fanny then really, what are you doing with your life?
  • Speaking of older women, if you’re into them, you’ll find plenty of them topless sunbathing on the beach and round your hotel pool.
  • It’s home to every tribute act you can imagine. Whether you’re into Olly Murs or Meatloaf, Benidorm’s got you covered.
  • There’s absolutely no culture to soak up. No really that’s a positive! With no places of any interest to visit and distract you, you can concentrate on sitting back, tanning, relaxing, downing copious amount of Sangria and forgetting life AKA the real reason you’ve come to Benidorm.


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