Scouse Bird Problems – How to: Tell if you're dating a fuckboy (from the mouth of a fuckboy)

Posted On: 13/07/2015

By: Scouse Bird

Only a couple of generations ago life was much simpler. You met a girl, you got married and then you could have all the sex. That’s just the way it was; sex before marriage was shameful and if you got pregnant outside of wedlock then kiss goodbye to that baby or you’d live your life as damaged goods and a social leper. 

With female liberation has come so many great things; it’s sound to be a single mother, it’s perfectly okay if you want to play the field but when it comes to the point where you actually want to be in a relationship, so many men can now ‘get the milk without buying the cow’ that it’s just much easier for them to play to their (natural or nurtured?) urge to be a fuckboy.

Smart phones have been introduced to simplify our lives but have they complicated our relationships even further? It’s all about fuckboys and sidehoes and the reality is that a lad can be lining up his next shag while he’s in bed with you just with a simple right swipe.

A lot of my girl mates have confided in me and told me what lads have been saying to them. Life is good for fuckboys right now; it’s just a game for them.


How to tell if he’s playing you


  • He always places his phone face down when he’s with you
  • He gives you his phone passcode but has to reset his phone and change it a lot due to ‘phone problems’
  • He’s always texting when he’s with you and it’s to some generic name like ‘Mick’ or ‘John’ from work
  • He has message preview turned off
  • Whatspp notifications are muted
  • He puts on ‘Do not disturb’ as soon as he’s with you
  • When he’s with you his phone is never out of his hand but he takes hours to reply to a text, if at all.
  • He’s still on Tinder or POF and claims he doesn’t know how to deactivate.
  • He’s got 2000 mates on Facebook and 75% of them are girls.


  • If he’s constantly out ‘with the lads’ and barely ever makes time for you.
  • If you only see him at 4am when he’s on his way home from town
  • He only ever comes round to watch a DVD and have a takeaway – because he wants sex without having to wine and dine you.
  • If you only ever see him mid-week on a last minute basis


  • He’s saying all the right things eg ‘I love spending time with you’, ‘you’re amazing’ and especially ‘I love you’ but doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you then move along. He’s a dick.
  • He’s secretive about his life outside you and him – you don’t know much about him.
  • It’s been a while and he’s made no effort to introduce you to his friends or family or made an attempt to meet yours. This isn’t like you’re asking him on a family holiday but going round for a roast at some point is NOT an unreasonable request.
  • He’s really nice to you, up until he has sex with you, then he just turns into a bit of a prick and you can’t figure out why. It’s just how some lads operate, they get the goods and then they’re pricks to make it seem like the female is the problem. Clever, but nasty! 
  • You’ve been seeing him for like 3 or 4 months and he’s got no intention of making you his girlfriend – come on, he should have at least skirted around it at this point.

Now I’m not trying to say I’m perfect (I am) but I know how the male mind works on both sides. I’ve been through the period of lying and chatting shit to get what I wanted, but now I’m the opposite, I don’t lie and if I want a girl I make her mine. 

There’s a very high chance, no one will take my advice, c’mon, when you like someone, do you ever listen to common sense? But just think about it, it could be the difference.

You can’t follow this fuckboy on twitter because he’s a bad grass who wanted to remain anonymous.


Scouse Bird

Hey birds and boys, just leave me your contact details and you won’t miss a single article I post XOXO

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