Scouse Bird Problems – Spain: Ibiza


Posted On: 06/11/2012

By: @redcarpertLPL

­­So … My summer was to say the least an actual ball ! Leaving for ibiza in may everything seemed like it would go amazingly well out there … Bit of hair .. Bit of make up charge a few euros, but I was home after 12days I’d had enough of sweating like a porn star mid shoot and decided to come home to where the eyebrows are thick …only to go back after 13days because I apparently couldn’t live without ibiza I HAD to go back and I loved losing a stone in less than 2 weeks (honest if you wanna bang a stone off its the only way to do it) Who the fuck does that ? Indecicive prick me ! Anyway … The next 2 months where filled with allkinds of madness in various well know ibizian establishments that I won’t go into for fear of being arrested…. soz abar me! Moving swiftly on I have the same loathing for cleavage tops as my homegirl @scousebirdprobs but what’s even more irritating than seeing a lads only messing pecs through a cut up tshirt posing as a vest is the amount of onlymessing joey essex’s that where out there .. Urrrghhh the boys hot pants (coz that’s actually what they thought they had on wen infact they where rolled up addidas shorts … Soz abar them) where more reveling than the girls who where all bad BAD shows and even the girls shouldn’t of been wearing them with the amout of cellulite hanging from there thunder thighs ! Teamed up with said cleavage revealing garment that tourments me so with a dodgy pair of their younger brothers off white converse… Fuck off mate your a a tit … Have a seat!! And if your a scouser act like one!
in the middle of all this disgusting cunt-ness was me … Flying the flagg high for scousers everywhere ! Eyebrows on and perfectly waxxed st moriz slapped on (everyday was blorange wednesday as I’m a pale prick who won’t tan .. Fuck my actual life) and kept the cleavage tops to the boys from essex in linekars! Soz abar yous ! Job done in my eyes there pat on the back for me …. The girls where allways a mess and looked like they had never learned how to use a hair brush its rediculous what I saw out there … It hurt my eyes to see it … Horrible when your used to seeing beautiful women with nice hair on a regular basis and all you see around you is chu-fuckin-bacca ! Jogg on !

While in ibiza I met one of the most amazing person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting lyds AKA nan and have came home to start up REDCARPET LIVERPOOL ! A team of highley skilled hair stylist makeup artist and body painters avaliable to you mobile for pamaerparties and nights out ..nights out meaning secret missions to make wools feel inadequate in there pale skin and kittens oh and the odd denim skirt (why don’t they just stay home they should have learned by now) follow us on twitter and that ghastly facebook for all enquiries !

anywaythe morals of the story is go to ibiza to lose weight …make sure you have stmoriz … Don’t be joey essex if your actually not joey essex … And book in with redcarpet for a curly blow

Traaaaaa x


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